L.O.N.

Line Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 48 points on 12-15 shooting and 24-24 from the free throw line, 6 boards, 4 assists, 4 blocks

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again.  Big.  Dirk.  Like.  Whut.  If Scott Brooks had walked into his living room, flicked on his PS3, set the level to All-World-Pro-Star and played the Mavs, the computer might have, at it’s ceiling, produced a game like this.  Automatic.  Robotic.  And he even went a stretch in the 4th, during the Jose Juan Barea Show, when he didn’t really shoot much!  He didn’t even cap out!  This was an all-time great playoff performance.  Become legendary.

Worst Of The Night AKA Not So Bad Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 20 points on 3-15 shooting, 3 assists, 3 boards, 1 steal

People were all over him again last night for his shooting percentage, but he obeyed our rule — he shot less than Kevin Durant, whose ridiculous 40 point night was overshadowed by Dirk’s redirkulous night.  We are not even going to get on Westbrook too hard.  He stayed aggressive.  He lived in the lane (only 4 shots outside the paint) and foul line (14-18 there), and he shot no 3’s!  Game 2 will be his true test.  Does he go to that Kobe, hero style, our does he stick with this style game, knowing he is probably not going to miss all those shots again?  Oh, but still expect a million street MC’s to start giving us “I shoot more than Westbrook” lines.

For Threeeeeeeeee Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 3 points, 3 boards, 3 steals, 3 turnovers, 3 fouls, 3 3-point attempts

All three everything?  Is there a numerologist in the building?

Enough with the blue outs, when the other team WEARS THAT COLOR!  We kept thinking it was an OKC home game when looking at that crowd… OKC probably is not feeling all that bad about this one.  They had this one down to 6 points late despite Dirk’s once in a lifetime game, so if they tighten some stuff up, this will be a series… Kevin Durant looked like a creature from another world on the play where he grabbed the defensive rebound and took it coast-to-coast… Should James Harden start?  Thabo Sefolosha seems to be nothing more than a placeholder in this matchup, with no real wing player for him to lock down…  The Cavs win the #1 pick in the NBA Draft via the Clippers pick they acquired in the Baron Davis deal.  Yikes, that deal looks a whole lot worse now, but it’s typical Clip Joint ish… Nate Robinson, go to your room.  Word to Tony Kornheiser…

Line Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 33 points, 9 assists, 2 boards

D-Rose gets the stats, his teammates get his back.  Rose was the steady rock on offense that he always is, but the key to closing this one out was the defense supplied by the bench in the 4th quarter.  The Bulls, anchored by Taj Gibson, Ronnie Brewer and Omer Asik, took the Hawks completely out of their offense in the 4th, forcing tough shot after tough shot.  Only Jeff Teague could manage much, and he was probably 5th on the Bulls emphasis list.  The defense is our backbone.

Worst Of The Night:

J-Creezy — 2 points on 1-9 shooting

Ouch.  Following Game 1, the Bulls have absolutely shut Crawford down in this series.  Locked.  Down.  For the Hawks to have any chance to do the improbable, they are going to need some offense from our guy.  C’mon, Creezy!

Executive(s) Of The Year Of The Night:

Miami Heat president Pat Riley and Chicago Bulls general manager Gar Forman have been named co-recipients of the NBA Executive Of The Year award.  Cop out.  Pick one or the other, or better yet, don’t pick either.  Riley was gift-wrapped LeBron and Bosh, as they seemed to decide amongst themselves where the wanted to play, and then Riley didn’t really do an outstanding job with the supporting cast.  Forman’s Bulls also won a little bit in spite of their roster, with the major improvement coming from within.  He does get some credit for the Thibodeau hire, though.  Our winner?  Whoever is running things down in Dallas (Donnie Nelson, we think).  Tyson Chandler, Peja Stojakovic, Corey Brewer… the list goes one.

Tattoo Of The Night:

This is what happens when NBA players are sent fishing early.  Let the “Andrei Kirilenko to Denver” rumors begin.  The real question, though:  does the dragon rider get a once-a-year free pass from Kirilenko’s wife, too?

Uniforms Of The Night:

The Washington Wizards unveiled their revamped uniforms for the 2011-12 season.  Yes!  Back to the red, white and blue.  It’s a beautiful thing.  Thank you, Ted Leonsis (Washington’s owner).  Now get on your grind with the name change.  Complete the cipher and give us a Washington Bullets renaissance.

Best Apology Of The Night:

Andrew Bynum:  “My actions … don’t represent me, my upbringing, this franchise or any of the Laker fans out there that want to watch us and want us to succeed.  Furthermore, and more importantly, I want to actually apologize to J.J. Barea for doing that. I’m just glad that he wasn’t seriously injured in the event and all I can say is, I’ve looked at [the replay], it’s terrible and it definitely won’t be happening again.”

Sounds like Bynum really knows he screwed up and feels bad about it.  Good job.  He will still have to sit out the first 5 games of next season, though, after being suspended by the league for his actions.

Worst Apology Of The Night:

LeBron James:  “I want to apologize for using the ‘R’ word after Game 3.  If I offended anyone, I sincerely apologize.”

Oh, LeBron.  You used the dreaded “if I offended anyone”.  That’s not good enough.  When you say that, you are saying:  “I don’t even know why I’m apologizing, but I’ll throw one out there anyway.”  Better not to apologize at all, than give us that garbage.

Surely his Bulls teammates were thrilled with Carlos Boozer’s Game 5 victory guarantee, considering he spent much of the 4th quarter on the bench… Some of the things Josh Smith can do on the court — so sick.  We love him leading the break… Marv Albert and Steve Kerr were on a roll last night.  Comedy… Larry Bird to return as Indiana Pacers team president… Pau Gasol ends speculation, says he and his girlfriend are fine, he and Kobe are fine, and the that rumors themselves caused the emotional problems he was having…

Last night the L.O.N. offices caught their first solid glimpses of the 2011 title parade.  There was lots of sun and boats.  Lots of flashes of white.  Those LA cats are not done yet, but we have seen a vision, and if they keep falling asleep at the wheel, Miami is taking the chip.  They looked really, really good.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 35 points, 7 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

It is absolutely wonderful watching LeBron play with this much help on this side.  It gives him the freedom to dip and dive into various roles on the court — scoring here, setting up there, oh, now he’s organizing the D.  The Heat are clicking on all cylinders.  Defense.  Offense.  Coaching.  Everyone on the team is involved.  Everyone has bought in.  It’s all there.  They continue to be the most impressive team this post-season, but the sleeping giant that is the Lakers, still lurks.

MVP Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 1 MVP award

Rose becomes the youngest player ever to win the award in a runaway vote.  Dwight Howard finished a distant 2nd.  We would get into why we disagree with the selection, but all attention today goes to Rose’s beautiful acceptance speech (skip to the 5 minute mark).  First of all, he was looking sharp in a navy blue ensemble.  Second of all, his heartfelt thanks to his Mom was a special, special thing.  Dude is amazing.  The way he put life into perspective is something we all could take to heart.  Despite too many Dook teammates, Rose has supporters for life in L.O.N.

A Good Talking To Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 24 points on 9 of 20 shooting (most attempts on the team), 6 assists, 3 steals, 2 boards

Russell, Russell, Russell.  Yes, we know you won, but that is beside the point.  Yes, we know you can get an open 17-footer every time.  But have you considered that they want you to shoot that shot?  Yes, we know you dribble the ball down the court most of the time.  But that does not mean you have to shoot most of the time.  Look around you.  Do you see that tall, lanky guy over there?  His name is Kevin Durant.  He is one of the top 3 - possibly the best - scorer in the game.  He is also a very polite young man, so we are forced to deliver this message.  Believe us, he is thinking it.  GIVE HIM THE BALL!  YOU SHOULD NOT BE CONSISTENTLY SHOOTING MORE THAN HIM!  IT WILL BE YOUR TEAM’S DOWNFALL!

Ok, that felt good.  We are not sure Scott Brooks has the necessary personality meshing skills to get this team over-the-top.  Maybe he needs to take it back summer basketball camp style, and put in a quota.  Remember the drill where your team had to pass at least 5 times or whatever, before shooting?  Well, for Westbrook, he is allowed to shoot as much as he wants, as long as it is one less shot than Durant.  Shoot 50 times, just make sure Durant shoots 51!

That Ain’t Gonna Work Of The Night:

Michael Conley — 24 points, 8 assists, 2 boards, 1 steal

Very nice output from Conley, but Memphis will not win that way.  Oklahoma City clogged up the paint very well last night, turning Memphis into a mostly jump-shooting team.  To his credit, Conley (as well as Sam Young and O.J. Mayo) stepped up admirably, hitting a lot of key shots.  These guys kept the Grizz in the game long after most teams would have packed it up and headed home for Game 3.  These guys have that dog in ‘em.  But Z-Bo has to, um, Z-bound from this lackluster effort and get back in that paint.  He settled for jumpers early and often.  You talk trash, you gotta back it up.

Mike Bibby having his giant cross tattoo removed?  We need the inside scoop.  Is he starting an acting career?  Is he replacing it with something bigger and better?  What’s the deal?…  Chris Paul courtside at the Heat game.  Let the rumors begin!  Oh, not about where he wants to play, but what was up with his eyes?  He had the hat pulled low, with a really strange look on his face… If you didn’t notice, Russell Westbrook drives is crazy.  Laughing after he blew that wide open dunk did not help things… We see you, Darrell Arthur.  Serge Ibaka left his table just in time though, to avoid his breakfast… Wow, so Kevin Garnett is the healthiest of the Celtics right now?…

Andre 3 Stacks told us back in 1995 that “the South got something to say”.  That sure rang true as the 2nd Round began.  The Dirty Dirty South was definitely in the building with Memphis and Atlanta pulling off their surprising Game 1 upsets over Oklahoma City and Chicago, respectively.  Dallas and Miami are more South by geography than culture, but they held up their end of the bargain.  We’ll see if the South keeps talking.

Line Of The Night:

Joe Johnson — 34 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 3 steals

Jamal Crawford — 22 points, 3 assists, 1 board, 1 steal, 1 block

Last night Chuck said he wished he could put Jamal Crawford’s brain in Joe Johnson’s body.  While we appreciate Barkley’s ruminations on brain-swapping — on of our favorite pasttimes — if they play like they did last night, they are the perfect fire & ice combo.  In fact, they meet one of Barkley’s other favorite scenarios.  To win a championship, he claims, you must have “That Dude” (Johnson) and a “Crazy Guy” (J-Creezy).

No doubt, Johnson was at the top of his game last night, with the perfect combination of efficiency and assertiveness.  While Creezy’s crazy is there every night, this type of game is not always what the Hawks get from Johnson.  OutKast went on to be one of the greatest Hip-Hop groups of all-time after Andre’s statement.  Only last night’s version of Joe Johnson can lead the Hawks to a similar post statement impact.

Worst Of The Night:

The Los Angeles Lakers blowing a 16-point 3rd quarter lead.

How did that happen?  Other than Dallas’ end of half mental gaffes, the Lakers seemed to be dominating on their own accord.  They seemed to be maximizing every offensive advantage their unique lineup provided.  They made Dallas look like Dirk and a bunch of mismatched one-way players.  Dallas lived on the perimeter, which is usually assured post-season death.  Then just like that, whether it be lost mental focus, or the genie going back in the bottle, the Lakers looked like a mess.  They were powerless to prevent the Mavs from slowly creeping back in.  With about 2:30 left, they had the ball, still up 3.  Their game, still, right?  But from then on, it was a string of bad possessions (other than Kobe’s final shot), largely due to some tremendous Dallas defense.  Mix in a couple breaks that went Dallas’ way, as well as some crazy shots from Dirk, and the Lakers found themselves in a familiar 0-1 deficit.

And is it a coincidence that Kobe’s two highest shot games this post-season have been the two Lakers Game 1 losses?  He looked outstanding in the 1st quarter, as he looked to but his imprint on the game and series, but as game clock wound, he maybe should have followed that 1st quarter output up with at least 1 assist.  Might have been the difference in this nailbiter.

Big Dirk Like Whut Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 28 points, 14 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

He played damn near flawless.  We could have done without that “fake tough guy” chicken wing he threw towards Artest, and there was one play in which he tried to finish at the rim in a hopelessly soft manner, but we cannot hate on his output.  Redirkulous.

Coach Of The Year Of The Night:

Tom Thibodeau received his Coach Of The Year award before the game last night.  After falling behind to the Hawks 0-1, he has to prove his worthiness all over again.  Larry Drew was like Hakeem Olajuwon after David Robinson won the 1995 MVP.  Drew was Dream Shakin’ on the chalkboard and dropping 50 in the huddle.  Now who’s coach of the year, Tom!

The Bulls did show one strategy change late in the game — trapping the ball as crossed halfcourt — that did prove at least bothersome to the Hawks.  All the coaching in the world won’t make Korver quicker than Teague, anyone capable of stopping some of those Johnson and Creezy shots, or heal Derrick Rose’s re-sprained ankle, but the Bulls have to come up with something better on offense.

Al Horford on the Hawks, Joakim Noah on the Bulls, Corey Brewer on the Mavs, and Taurean Green on the ???  Seems like some team out there fishing right now missed an auto-pass to the 2nd Round by not handing out a minimum contract to the fourth Gator… The Kings are back in Sacramento for at least one more year…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

The madness is officially over.  It’s all double-headers, single games, or [gasp] nights off from here on out.  After the trailing teams went 0-3 in for Game 7’s last night, the Spurs are the last hope for one in the first round.  Second round is when we start to realize the realism of life and actuality, though.  Word to AZ.  So fasten your seat belts.  Word to Ralph Lawler.

Line Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 33 points, 11 boards, 4 assists, 1 block

Big.  Dirk.  Like.  Whut.  Chris Johnson hit him with a shot to the head and lit a fire under Dirk.  He was the Dirk we’d like to see more often in the Mavs closeout game.  Fiery.  On fire.  Virtually unstoppable.  But is it going to have to take a bump to the head to get him going like this against the Lakers?  At least he’ll have Ron Artest around to potentially provide such a blow.  It was a true team effort to close this one out though, as Dirk, Jet, Kidd, Shawn Marion and J.J. Barea all had key baskets in the clutch.  Oh, and Tyson Chandler on D against LaMarcus Aldridge.

Worst Of The Night AKA Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 11 assists, 10 points, 8 boards, 2 steals

Wow, did we just write that?  Probably a first in L.O.N. history to have these two categories coincide.  Paul would tell you himself it was not his best effort.  Hard to say exactly what happened, but it seemed like he — and his teammates — did not show the expected desperation until way late.  The Lakers even game them a little opening to start the game, as they came out lethargic as well.  Tough pill to swallow for CP3, but you cannot fault him much, given his amazing effort throughout the rest of the series.

Strategery Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 24 points, 3 steals, 2 assists, 1 rebound

The stats are whatever, but what we noticed was how good a job he did bringing up the ball quickly and getting it to the big men early before the Hornets’ D was setup.  And credit to Bynum and Gasol for getting down the floor and establishing position at an equal pace.  That strategy killed the Hornets all night long.

Don’t Blame Him Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 25 points, 15 boards, 3 blocks, 2 assists, 1 steal

Beastly all series.  Perhaps his greatest playoff series off his career, individually.  But like Chuck says, you don’t live by the 3, you die by the 3.  Save for Game 5, the Magic could not hit the shot they launch in bushels, and it was their downfall. The Magic face a tough situation heading into this offseason.  With expensive guys like Jameer and Gilbert Areneas duplicating roles, will management blow it up again?  And do they even have movable pieces to do something like that?  Big, big offseason for this squad.

Blame Him Of The Night:

LaMarcus Aldridge — 24 points, 10 boards

Your best player has to be your best player.  Aldridge’s production stayed roughly the same — even went down a little — in the postseason.  It’s gotta go up.  Much was made during the regular season, especially regarding All-Star selections, of Aldridge raising his game following Brandon Roy’s injuries.  He wasn’t ready to take that next step this year, at least not with Tyson Chandler hounding him.

Whew, Tyson Chandler saw the waitress coming with his breakfast, but got out of his booth just in time… Maybe in person it was a good look, but from afar, on tv, it looked like Monty purely put on the wrong suitcoat.  He sorta looked like the beach — ocean on the bottom, sand up top.  God was willing, but the creek didn’t rise… Josh Smith is a debacle, albeit an entertaining debacle… Individually, this series goes to Ariza over Artest, right?  It still seems like the Lakers should have picked him… Larry Drew and Stan Van Gundy thought there was one more competition in the series — who could talk more in the post-game presser… Chalk one up for Carolina over Duke.  Marvin Williams > J.J. Redick…  WE DID IT CREEZY!!!!!

It took eleven nights, but we finally had a “bad” night of the Playoffs.  Three games, three blowouts.  Enough drama unfolded to keep things interesting, though.

Line Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 25 points, 6 assists, 2 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks

M-V-P!  M-V-P!  M-V-P!  It wasn’t the ankle injury from the previous game that slowed down Rose and the Bulls in this one, it was foul trouble.  Rose went out early in the 3rd with his 4th foul, and Indiana started to get it in.  Tom Thibodeau quickly put his entire offense back in the game, and it was on.  Donkey Kong.  Derrick Rose assist.  Derrick Rose three.  DERRICK ROSE BLOCK!!!!  Derrick Rose three.  Derrick Rose foul shot.  Derrick Rose three.  Game time.  Series over.  On to the next.

Worst Of The Night:

Darren Collison — 7 points, 5 assists, 3 boards

Collison started off this series balling, needing no time to get acclimated to these Playoffs.  It was almost enough to lead his team to a Game 1 upset.  Almost.  He looked to continue this breakout performance in Game 2, but was injured after falling on a camerman under the basket.  He was never the same.  Maybe it was the injury, maybe the defensive-minded Bulls figured out an anti-Collison elixir, but either way, the rest of the series he was a shadow of the guy that was everywhere for the Pacers in Game 1.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks, 76 points vs. Orlando Magic

Guess they really wanted to close this thing out at home, instead of on the road.  But guess what?  There are no guarantees, and you just let a team that bombs 3’s get loose from outside and you gave Dwight Howard a virtual night off.  Momentum just swung hard in Orlando’s direction.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

Wah, wah, wah.  I’m Kobe Bryant and my ankle hurts.  Wah, wah, wah.  Not really, but I desperately need the attention.  Wah, wah, wah.  Eat your breakfast, Emeka.  Wah, wah, wah.  Plays like that alone would get me the attention, but I need more.  Wah, wah, wah.

NBA-Tinged Lyrics Of The Night:

“But I’m Bynum and Gasol, this is all my lane/Your little Calderon raps too small to hang”, Shad, “Give You All I Can”

Switch Calderon with Okafor, and you have a literal description of what went down last night.  The Lakers dominated the offensive boards and second chance points, which they really should do every game against this Hornets squad.  As usual, a motivated Lakers team is a winning Lakers team.

Playoff Beards Of The Night:

What is going on Orlando?  Are they the first group to grow groomed Playoff beards?  Are they not united on the movement?  Is it purely a coincidence and it is simply a bunch of guys with facial hair?  Is it all a big prank on J.J. Redick and Earl Clark?  The people want answers.

Objection, your honor!  Please disallow Exhibit A.  Sustained!… Think the Spurs are hoping for an Orlando-like performance in Game 5?  They have similar role players that have not done much, that would love to get rolling… Malik Allen alert… It pains us to say it, and hopefully this is buried well enough that no one actually reads it, but we love Dahntay Jones’ mentality and wish more guys played the game like him… No doubt the Bulls are seriously considering keeping Joakim Noah’s grandfather on-call to show up for important games.  Noah had next level energy last night… Looks like we can all agree that, while a very, very good player, Danny Granger is officially not an “impose my will” guy… The Bulls series victory over the Pacers means one thing:  The Jersey Neckline Gods have ruled:  classic beats that wishbone garbage… QUEENSBRIDGE!!!!  Ron Artest won the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award for his work raising awareness of mental health issues.  Representing lovely… Carlos Boozer injured his toe during last night’s game.  It is unknown if it will cost him any time… FREE T.J. FORD!!!

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 29 points, 12 boards, 10 assists

We are a triple-double shop.  We built this on a love for triple-doubles.  The King racks up the 2nd Ice Cube in All-Star history, then he gets the L.O.N.nie.  It is that simple.  The highlight(s) of the game, for us, was when Bron would press his “I’m better than you button”, word to Greg Boone, do his best Unstoppable train impersonation, go past everybody and just dunk.  Love it.

MVP Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 37 points, 14 boards, 3 assists, 3 steals

His 4th MVP ties him for the most in All-Star game history, with Bob Pettit and it sho nuff looked like he was going to take down Wilt’s record of 42 points, in the 4th quarter.  It was Los Angeles, and it was his time.  The Kobster decided to put on a full scale production of the Kobe Show in the first three quarters… but was he clutch?  The West needed Kevin Durant to lock this thing up.  Let the firestorm rain down.  [Looks up and waves hands in bring it on motion]

Dunk Of The Night:

The enduring image that is sticking with us from the dunk contest is Baron Davis popping out of the sunroof of that car to throw the oop Blake Griffin!  Awesome.  It makes us smile every time we think of it.

Somebody on Twitter mentioned that this year all 4 contestants should have been given 4 dunks, and we agree.  All of the guys brought creativity and execution this year, which is rare.  Javale McGee, though… did you run out of ideas?  On his last attempt it seemed like he had already emptied his bag of tricks.  And obviously, it goes without saying that there was a bit too much, um, shameless promotion by a certain car brand this year, but we really can’t knock the hustle.

Distribution Center Of The Night:

John Wall — 22 assists, 12 points, 2 steals, 2 boards, 1 Rookie Challenge MVP

Wall set out to break the assist record for the rookie game and did it, leading the rookies to their second consecutive victory.  One of those passes was the highlight of the evening — a crazy bounce oop to Blake Griffin.  Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.  Word to Fabolous.

Built For This Of The Night:

DeJuan Blair — 28 points, 15 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks

What is up with Blair and All-Star games?  After last year’s standout performance in the Rookie game, he put in another monster effort this year, as a sophomore, including an unbelievable self-oop off the board.  He might be even better than the world thinks.  Every time he breaks out of the Spurs system, he balls out.  Definitely shows he is the perfect fit for the Spurs organization, because he is capable of crazy individual production, but sacrifices to fit in there.

Celebrity Of The Night:

BIEBER!  Justin Bieber, the celebrity game MVP, made a belieber out of a lot of NBA fans over the weekend and simultaneously brought in a lot of haters for his attempted takeover of All-Star Weekend.  His crossover of Common in the celeb game is the stuff of legend at this point, and even though the fans would have voted him MVP even if he had sat the bench the entire game, he legitimately showed intensity and overall skill in Friday night’s celebrity game.  People on the hater side got their rocks off too, when Scottie Pippen (almost cruelly) blocked one of his shots.  As a result, Bieber was the talk of the weekend during the various telecasts.  All we can say is, BIEBER ALERT!

Legend Of The Night:

And speaking of Scottie Pippen, he looked VERY good in the celebrity game, causing Magic Johnson, coach of the opposing team, to exclaim repeatedly how he was having flashbacks to the 1991 Bulls vs. Lakers NBA Finals.  He was not exaggerating either.  You are telling us Pip couldn’t give this years Bulls 10 good minutes per game in the Playoffs?  That 3 was looking super nice.

R.I.P. H.O.R.S.E. competition, we miss you, even if no one else does…  Forget the Kobe Show, apparently when Maria Menounos is on the red (in this case magenta) carpet, it’s the Maria Show!  Pass the ball Maria!…  Nice victory for James Jones in the 3-point contest.  Homey is a 3-point shooting robot out there and we loved his thoughtful answers in the post-competition interview.  Like we have said before, your boy might have the best job in the world…  Meeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… We don’t care what people say, we love Derrick Rose’ yellow shoes.  They looked great as a contrast to the blue uniforms.  And yes, L.O.N. is run by a Michigan grad!…  Shaq was outstanding in his brief appearance with the TNT crew.  The way he presented his idea about a potential tie between Ray Allen and Paul Pierce in the 3-point contest was classic…  KANYE=Awesome.  And really, all the Sunday pre-game/halftime performances…  Loved Dwyane Wade rooting like crazy for Dorell Wright in the 3-point contest.  DW4L… We are not on the Los Fearless bandwagon.  At first, we thought it was centered around only Kobe, and that was fine.  But it’s so transparently Los Angeles inspired, and yet features guys like Rondo and Pierce.  Doesn’t feel right…  Let the trade season begin…

A Moment Of Silence Of The Night:

Many in the industry had a heavy heart over this weekend.  First, the TNT guys gave a shout out to Stuart Scott, who was undergoing cancer treatment.  Then the news spread that Blake Griffin’s very good friend, whom Blake was set to visit in OKC next week and who had been fighting cancer for a minute, passed in the days leading up to the weekend.  Finally, word broke late Sunday that Mark Jackson’s younger brother and streetball star Troy “Escalade” Jackson had passed in his sleep while in Los Angeles for All-Star Weekend.  To all affected, hold your head.  Our thoughts are with you.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Thanks to the readers that contributed.  Looks like the job crunch has finally led to attrition at the L.O.N. offices as only the Mailroom Supervisor, Legal Counsel and Potato Peeler managed to contribute.  That’s alright, because as Professor Phipps (okay, really Frederick Douglass) once said, “Without struggle, there is no progress.”  Or was that, “Pepper-mint,  Mr. Williams?”.  Whatever.

1)  What is the L.O.N. Pre-Season Top 10 League Pass Ranking?

#1 — Miami Heat.

#2 — Miami Heat.

#3 — Miami Heat.

Forget all that other off-season razzmatazz, we want to see them ball.  Will they run off an 81-1 season, or struggle to make it all work and lose the division to Orlando?  Or even third in the division behind the A-T-Liens as well?  People have not really been talking about the toughness of this division.  However it goes down, we are ready to see it.  And we think LeBron is going to be in 1000% beast mode all year so it’s going to be something to see.

#4 — OKC Thunder –  Kevin.  Durant.  We aren’t even all that high on Westbrook, but KD gets them must-watch status.

#5 — Clip Joint –  BLAKE GRIFFIN.  Year after year, we fall for the trick intrigue of the Clippers… but reports of Griffin in training camp have us falling right back in line.

#6 — Boston — Come on.  The Shaqtue?  We fell in love all over again with the Ceatles in last year’s Playoffs and we want more.  Shaq, Shrek and Donkey will make things interesting enough in the regular season, but with this team, it’s about May and June.  And you hear it every year about various players, but if Kevin Garnett really “has his spring back”…

#7 — San Antonio Spurs –  You know what it is.  Bias.  We ain’t trying to lie.  Hide your wife, hide your kids.

#8 — New York Knicks –  It’s time to see basketball that matters again in the Garden.  We are not even sure that will happen, but if it blows up, the train wreck might be just as entertaining.  And we have a soft spot for Ray Felton.  And the Legend Of Timofey Mozgov.  And Anthony Randolph.

#9 — Milwaukee Bucks — Can they keep it going from last year?  Will Drew Gooden and Corey Maggette drive Scott Skiles absolutely insane?  Mostly, we have not yet gotten our fill of Brandon Jennings, and there’s something about how well Maggette gets to the line and converts that we love to appreciate.

#10 — Houston — The collegiate-like chemistry of this team always makes it fun, and we want to see if this Yao 24-minutes-per-game limit is going to work.  We understand the minute limit, but the whole attitude and outlook towards him seems a bit on the fragilly side.  At some point you have to throw dude to the wolves.  Hopefully it works out like Big Z, who had similar surgery years ago and hasn’t had problems since.

Last of all, we must pay respects to two teams that are usually a staple in this list — the Don Nelson-led Warriors and the Melo/J.R.Smith Nuggets.  Nellie left us for Maui, and there’s just a pall over the whole situation in Denver that sucks out all of the fun.  Let’s throw on that T.R.O.Y. vinyl, replay this dunk over-and-over, and shed a couple tears.

2)  How sick are you of the Lakers?

Sicker than the sickest.  As sick as sick can get.  Sicker than than a Columbus Small Pox blanket.  Sicker than the mannequin in Ferris Bueller’s bed.  We do have to say, though, they keep adding secondary players that we love.  First it was the Official Player Of L.O.N. — Lamar Odom.  Then it was Ron Artest, and now it’s Matt Barnes and Steve Blake — the NBA incarnation of the L.O.N. C.E.O. if he had devoted his life to ball and grown 3 more inches.

3)  Are the Bulls going to be awesome or just great?  Is Carlos Boozer to the Bulls the most underrated off-season move?

Second things first… how about the most overrated?  Iditarod has never done it for us.  He looks like Mr. Clean, but plays like Mr. Soft, taking a bunch of fade-away 10-12 footers.  Then he comes in with a shady pinkie injury that he supposedly hurt while running to answer his door and tripping over a bag… hmmm.  Overall, we have mixed emotions.  Aside from the Booze Cruise, there is Derrick Rose, who is that dude and might be ready to make a leap into the upper echelon (his ad count certainly has), and new coach Tom Thibodeaux who has promise as a great defensive mind, but seems like he’ll succeed more in his second go ’round as head coach, ala Bill Belichick, Scott Skiles, etc..  Call us skeptics.

4)  If Dwyane Wade were a creature at the Aquarium of the Pacific, which would he be?
Wow.  We cannot explain it, but the biggest eel you can find is all that comes to mind.

5)  What do you think of the new technical foul policy?

Wake us in December.  If it’s still being enforced similarly, then we will get involved.  All we know is that Ben Franklin would hope that BOTH sides would act a little more rationally, and that harsher and harsher penalties do not always do much good.

6)  With Rasheed Wallace now retired, who will take his place as the most “T’d up” player in the league?

A lot of the big guns are out to start the season, too, including Kenyon Martin and Kendrick Perkins.  We were surprised to see Dwight Howard came in 2nd place last year behind ‘Sheed.  We are going to go with Kobe, though.  In the first month, alone, while they are still being extra strict, all his looks and air punches are going to get him ahead of the game in the race for ‘Sheed’s belt.

7)  How effective can John Wall be as a rookie PG for the Wizards with Arenas still in the picture and an otherwise weak supporting cast?

BLAKE GRIFFIN.  Sorry, we are little obsessed… We think Wall will be very effective.  The ball is going to be in his hands and we feel like Arenas might have a so-so, disinterested season in which he misses some games here and there, and sort of takes a backseat to Wall on the court.  Wall’s raw athleticism will get him by until he figures out the nuances of the L.

Who will win Rookie Of The Year?

It’s between these two guys, and our vote is Griffin.  And yeah, we also said that last year.

The best rookie on a contender?

There won’t be one?  At least not a big name, unless you are a Gordon Hayward believer, and we are not yet.  The answer to this is probably an obscure undrafted free agent, or possibly, a rookie on a team that no one is expecting to compete.

The most invisible rookie?

The rest of them?  With a couple injuries to guys taken in the Lottery and some underwhelming pre-season play, there is not a lot to get excited about with this rookie class.

8)  Is Kevin Durant the odds-on favorite for MVP?

For the media masses?  Yeah.  For us?  LeBron.  AGAIN.  LeBron’s gonna have an undeniable year on the team with the #1 record.

9)  Which Western Conference team has the best chance to challenge the Lakers this year?

That might be the hardest question to answer so far.  The popular pick is the Thunder, but we think a bit of a backslide is just as likely, if not more likely, than a 2 seed in the West.  Denver is a mess, but they are crazy enough where, if they keep Melo, they might be winning mess.  The Mavs will be their usual “fold like a chair” in the Playoffs selves.  That points to the Spurs or the Jazz (who barely missed the League Pass Top 10… we want to see the new Deron Williams/Al Jefferson combo).  We will resist the homer pick and say Jazz.  Maybe with Boozer leaving, Deron will figure out it’s really his team now and it’s okay for him to try to take over in the clutch.

10)  10 seconds left, Heat down by one, who gets the ball?

We don’t know, but neither will the Heat’s opponents, and that’s the point.  They are going to be so ridiculous on offense with so many options, and with LeBron as playmaker they will simply take whatever the defense gives them.

11)  Do the Celtics’ Big 3 have enough left in the tank for one more run at it with the added depth and size?

For Celtics fans (and Laker haters), it’s sickening to think about what might have been last year with a healthy Perk in Game 7… or even either one of the O’Neal brothers (Shaq and Jermaine).  They definitely have what it takes for another run and we think they’ll have a date in South Beach when the Eastern Conference Finals commence.
 

12)  Is Josh McRoberts this year’s biggest sleeper fantasy starter?

Dook does not exist.  Now THAT is a real fantasy.

13)  Is it true that Stan Van Gundy and Scott Skiles share co-writing credits on Kanye’s “Runaway”?

It definitely sounds like the result of every nitpicking basketball coach pouring out his soul.  “I’m so gifted at finding, what I don’t like the most…”

14)  Which of ESPN/Marvel’s comic collabos is the best representation of the team pictured?

We like the Jordan/Bobcats cover, but the Cleveland joint is probably the most appropriate.  We can see Cleveland fans rocking Cee-Lo’s “Eff You” while staring at that image.  Portland’s is wishful thinking for real… they really do need those cyborg parts


15)  Why not the Pistons image?  Should/can Dumars recreate the Bad Boys?

Good luck with that…  The Pistons still have not won a title since Mehmet Okur left, so maybe that is whom needs to be cloned.

16)  Is Tim Gunn concerned about the new Adidas uniforms?

Full on, finger to glasses, hand on hip, head tilted, forehead furrowed concern.  We will not give a final ruling until we see more games, but so far we are not liking the look of it.  From the brief interview shots we have seen, they look like cheap practice jerseys… but maybe those were practice interviews!

17)  What’s good with uniform changes this year?

As insinuated above, all 30 teams are getting new technologically advance jerseys, courtesy of adidas.  The uniforms are said to be 30 percent lighter, dry twice as fast, and are 60% made from recycled materials.  So even if your team did not change their design, you will notice their unis look slightly different.  Our favorite design changes this year are the new (old) Golden State and Utah unis.  Both brought back elements of old school logo favorites.  We have hated the orange element to the Warriors’ unis ever since it was introduced an would have been happy enough with it’s removal alone.  The city/bridge logo is just icing on the cake.  No other team made any drastic changes, with the Clip Joint, T-Wolves, Cavs and Mavs all making minor tweaks.

18)  Over the past several seasons Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington and DeShawn Stevenson, among others, have raised training camp eyebrows with new tattoos… who is drawing attention this year?

It’s an usual suspect — Chris “Birdman” Andersen.  And there is less competiton than a Fabolous mixtape.  Free.  Bird.

Others:  Paul Pierce inks forearm with “The Truth”

19)  Any hair changes?  Other physical appearance updates?

The only thing we have for you is that Rajon Rondo is headband-less, at least in the pre-season.  A shocking development.  Oh, and sorry to bring him up again, but Blake Griffin has ‘froed it out, a taste.

20)  Which players are the most physically ready for the season?

You know what it is, you know how it is… Always Dwight Howard.  Always Ray Allen.  And while we are talking Dwight Howard…

21)  Hey, Ms. Mailroom Supervisor, which of your H.O.N.nies (Heartthrobs Of The Night), are you most looking forward to seeing this year?

LeBron for sure - new city new vibe… Gilbert Arenas is always a H.O.N. but his questionable behavior has put him on my bad side… Lamar Odom is gaining popularity because of Kardashian love, but I still wouldn’t name a child after him… I need to watch some of the season to get some new blood on this list.

22) Dwight Howard and Hakeem video… comment.

A lot of guys can do a lot of things in the gym, guarded by ghosts and cheered on by their entourages.  The Dream was executing the moves smoother than Howard and is 4X years old and averaged 7.1 ppg 10 years ago.  Howard can still take things to another level on the skills side of things, but that’s easier said than done.  Unless there was a brain transplant on the night of Day 3 of those training sessions, we are not buying in.

23)  So who will win the title?

Heat in 6.  Over the Lakers.

FREE MANNY HARRIS!!!… If anybody can hook us up with a recording for Foolish doing “Belle Isle Man” on the WJLB morning show, we will be forever in your debt… The Kings’ DeMarcus Cousins, or the Spurs training camp participant, Marcus Cousin?… So if they are both starting, that definitively means Tayshaun Prince and Austin Daye are not the same person?… With Allen Iverson signing in Turkey, have we seen his last NBA hurrah?  Let’s hope not.  We need a little more, A.I….

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Dwyane Wade — 28 points, 11 assists,  6 boards, 5 steals, 1 All-Star MVP award

In a game usually defined by offense, it was the defense of D-Wade and Bron that made them the stars of the game, mostly because of the offense to which it led.  The two racked up 9 total steals which led to about 9 (or more?  ANYTHIING is possible in an All-Star game) amazing break-away dunks.  The two had very similar games — easily the most highlightest of the highlighters — but Wade just barely edged out The King statistically, not to mention he completed the All-Star game staple “off glass to your self oop dunk”, to take down the MVP award.  Do not worry, LeBron fans, he will be in contention for the MVP award year-after-year.  His game — and more importantly his personality — is tailor made for this event.  He balls out and has a lot of fun doing it — see his “taunting” of Melo, his back-and-forth with Jason Kidd, and becoming the official “King Of The Two-Handed Reverse Dunk”.

Game Of The Night AKA The Long Arm Of Stan Van Gundy Of The Night:

East 141, West 139

What a game!  The ultimate NBA showcase ended up including just about everything for which a fan could hope.  There was the absolute spectacle of Cowboy Stadium, amazing plays from amazing stars, and a competitive game amongst the world’s greatest athletes.

However, it got off to a very unfamiliar start.  The typical script looks like this — wild and somewhat out-of-control running and gunning for the first half or so, then if the game is still close, settling in to more half-court ball to determine a winner.  But not this year.  Maybe it was the Stan Van Gundy factor (who must have set a record for most timeouts called in an All-Star game) or maybe it was the “wonderment” factor with players entranced by their epic surroundings, or maybe he was all the first-time All-Stars, but right away this was a hard fought game.  There were set plays.  There were lots of fouls called.  There was a back-and-forth battle in the post between Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol.  It was probably not until the 3rd quarter until things really opened up.

That is not to say there was not a lot of fun.  There were a ton of spectacular alley oops (best oop passer for the game?  Rondo.  Best finisher?  Probably Dwight Howard on a spectacular reach-back one-handed finish in the third quarter), and surprisingly few failed alley oops.  And of course, there were just plain fun individual sequences:  Dwight Howard shooting (and making 1) a couple 3’s after which we were half-surprised Van Gundy did not stop the game and yank him!,  Howard grabbing a rebound and going coast-to-coast for the slam,  LeBron’s previously detailed shenanigans, D-Wade’s own aerial show, and CHRIS KAMAN IN THE HOUSE!!!

In the final quarter, it looked like maybe the West was falling into the same trap the Sophomores did on Friday night with their size becoming an obstacle in keeping up with the speed of the East, but then Chauncey Billups decided it was not over.  He shot them right back into it, and we had a “barn barner” (word to Charles Barkley) on our hands.

The end game?  Well, let’s just say it was disappointing.  Several bonehead fouls (just how long did you party on Saturday night, Deron?) and poor execution rounded the game out before hometown hero Chris Bosh iced it for the East with two free throws.  All-in-all, though, it was a great show.

Other game notes:  Hopefully this was the first of many All-Star appearances for Rajon Rondo.  He might have had the highest excitement-per-minute ratio of anyone…  Sorry, but David Lee was exposed.  He is not All-Star caliber, no matter what kind of D’Antoni-inflated stats he can put up…  It is weird, we know, but wasn’t it hard to tell the difference between Chris Kaman and Jason Kidd when they were on the court at the same time?… Derrick Rose definitely did not wilt under the big lights.  He did not find much success, but he was definitely not shy out there… If LeBron was holding a personal try out in the last two minutes to find his next big man teammate, Chris Bosh probably failed by botching an easy oop, and Amar’e might have one himself a spot by locking LeBron up on D… Come on George Karl.  You promise us the 4 point guard lineup, and you don’t deliver?…

Beast Of The Night:

DeJuan Blair — 23 boards, 22 points, 4 assists, 1 unofficial Rookie Challenge MVP award

Tyreke Evans officially won the MVP award but in the face of arena-wide “M-V-P!” chants for Blair, he graciously shared the award with his big fella.  Only a Spur would and could dirty-work his way to stealing the show in an All-Star game.  He did manage to add a little glitz to the show, though.  At one point, right on the heels of the announcers discussing his missing his ACLs, he pulled off a couple classic All-Star moves.  First, he executed a sick breakaway self-pass-off-the-backboard dunk, and then immediately followed that with the always fun “big man clanged 3-pointer”.

The quartet of Evans, Blair, Brandon Jennings and James Harden led the Rookies to a win, marking the first time since 2002 that the Sophomores lost.  Russell Westbrook — who went for a game-high 40, 6 points shy of his teammate Kevin Durant’s record of 46 in this game — seemed like he was leading the Sophs to a second half comeback, but they never figured out how to stop the smaller and quicker (AKA more All-Star ready) Rooks.

Worst Of The Night:

How do you get a trainwreck going in the right direction?  Try this:  1)  Setup a cow-roping game as a gimmick, court-side at an NBA All-Star event.  2)  Have the first participant be Chris Paul… on crutches!?!?!?  What????  3)  Have the first celebrity introduced be… oh?  what’s that?  You have no celebrities in the Celebrity Game?  Check.  Train officially wrecked.

This thing is brutal.  While it’s always been ridiculous, an event like this does have slight potential to be entertaining, and actually used to be — remember when Chris Brown dunked on Bow Wow (okay, not quite, but that’s how myths grow)?  ESPN has taken this event and absolutely run it into the ground.  Bad celebs, bad basketball, bad announcing (Mark Jones quotes:  1) “Common’s one of the best R&B acts going” 2)  “Terrence J, one of the top video jocks in the country” — could you sound any more out of touch?  And that’s your “hip” announcer”?), bad jokes, rigged MVP award.  A-W-F-U-L.

Only two things happened that gave this redeeming value:  1)  Seeing Jon Barry STEAMING after taking a bucket of water to the face.  If he would just let it go and take Mike Breen out… let’s just say there would be no complaints from L.O.N. if both of those guys were never on TV again.  2)  Common, delayed by weather, entering the game ala Derek Fisher and balling.  He was the obvious MVP, but Remi won it as part of some lame promotional storyline ESPN was trying to play up.
H.O.R.S.E. Of The Night:

Kevin Durant successfully defended his title — this time actually receiving a LEGIT trophy — in a contest that is still going through some growing pains.  On the positive side, at least this thing was moved onto a real court, and given more of an overall sense of legitimacy.  The main problem though, is that the TNT guys seemed to be the stars of the show, when it should be about the players.  We need some personalities in this thing — either guys already familiar with each other, or guys with out-sized personalities.  So next year, maybe bring in Russell Westbrook and Brandon Jennings to challenge KD?  Also, the guys need to do at least a little prep work and thought about their shots.  Creativity was a little low.  We did like the fan-submitted shot, so maybe there is potential to integrate that more.  Finally, the end-game was a complete debacle.  So you are telling us that in order to save time, you are going to have PROFESSIONAL SHOOTERS repeatedly fire from the same spot, shot after shot?  That being said, it was still surprising how well Rondo shot.  Now the Ray Allen trade rumors make more sense, as it seems Danny Ainge has somehow stolen Allen’s soul and noetically infused it into Rondo’s body… so teams will actually be receiving Zombie Allen, should they complete a trade.  All-in-all it was a good show, though, and should only get better with a few tweaks.

Other notes:  Now if Omri Casspi had required the other two to duplicate his shooting form on each shot, he might have run away with the thing… Barley was sweating like a H.O.R.S.E. up in there… Can’t believe KD let the ref talk about his momma like that:  “Okay, behind your mom”…

All-Star Saturday Night — The Opening Acts Of The Night:

We are self-admitted All-Star junkies.  We LOVE the Skills Challenge.  We LOVE the Shooting Stars.  Yes, we have never met anyone that shares these feelings with us… so we can’t even join a support group!  Skills Challenge Anonymous, are you out there?

The best part about Shooting Stars this year?  No Derek Fisher.  He’s the L.O.N. anti-christ and we take a definite less-is-more attitude with him.  We did not like the idea of mixing — and even completely fudging (a current NY Liberty playing on team Sacto?) –  teams to complete the squads this year though.  Clippers and Lakers working together for the good of mankind?  Rockets and Mavs and Silver Stars all on the same squad (although the more Becky Hammon, the better)?  It worked out from a competitive standpoint though, as supersquads were created.  The LA and Texas squads were beasts.  LA’s slight weak link — Pau Gasol from 3 — was eventually exposed, as the Texas team took down the title behind the shooting of Dirk, Kenny Smith and Hammon.

Wow, looks like there is more to say about the Shooting Stars than the Skills Challenge?  Basically Steve Nash, almost effortlessly, showed the young fellas how to do this thing, with a couple near-perfect runs.  Deron Williams gave him a run for his money, but had a major hiccup at one of the passing stations to derail his hopes.   In the first round, Brandon Jennings had a similar performance, looking like he was about to set the record, before getting murdered at the long-range pass station.  If he locks that one down, the title may be his next year.

Here is all you need to know about the 3-Point Contest — Darrell Dawkins’ silk Japanese kimono-style suit coat!  Okay, not really, but that thing had to get some L.O.N. shine.  This thing turned out to be a pretty good battle, but the announcers had everyone confused by saying Paul Pierce and Chauncey Billups were in a shootout to reach 2nd round, when in actuality, Pierce, Billups and Stephen Curry were all advanced to the 2nd round.  So when Peezy started wildly celebrating with KG, we thought it was strange that he was doing that before his final shooting round.  Then we figured out he won the thing… then were equally confused when he declared himself “one of the greatest shooters ever”.  Dazed by the suit coat, confused by the events thereafter.

All-Star Saturday Night — The Main Event Of The Night:

Ya’ll can dwell on the wackness if you want, but we will just focus on the dopeness.  Word to Jonathan Levine.  In our opinion, DeMar Derozan was robbed… or maybe he robbed himself?  His first three dunks were pretty sick — especially the off the side of the backboard joint — but his last dunk was weak — a non-challenging running windmill.  Basically, if he had ended on a higher note, he probably takes down the title.  And he promised a Michael Jackson Thriller tribute… where did that go?  That could have provided some much needed theater.  Either way, we hope DeMar is back next year.  Nate Robinson’s dunks were nice when viewed in and of themselves, but his problem was his past theatrics.  He simply did not live up to them.  If this had been the first time we saw the little guy throw them thangs down?  NASTY.  But he has done better in the past.  Congrats to the 3-time champ, though.

So everyone calm down.  Sure, it was a down year, but this thing will be back.  It’s all about finding the right person, at the right time, so a little bit of luck will always be involved.  Maybe it will be the inclusion of some hungry-ass D-Leaguer or college guy, or maybe even a current NBAer we are not even thinking about.

Chuckisms Of The Night:

“Why don’t we put a deer in the dunk contest, then?”

Responding to Kenny Smith’s repeated declaration that athletes win dunk contests.  And this whole time, we thought day laborers won dunk contests.

“When one of your friends shows up white when he’s a black, I mean you gotta take that personally, don’t you?”

Speaking on Sammy Sosa.  Hilarious.

While Cheryl MIller was announcing the winner of the Dunk In, in, let’s just say, a very exuberant manner, Barkley started to talk, not realizing he was on the mic.  He did not finish his thought, but we are pretty sure he was about to clown Cheryl.  The Chuckster’s Manifest Destiny was almost complete.

Finally, during the All-Star game pre-game show, he let Ernie, Mark Cuban and David Stern for talking so much about the upcoming labor negotiations.  Tell ‘em why you mad, Chuck!

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

Hey Gallo, so you liked that Israeli Salad I served you up a few days ago?  Well, how about some labneh, borekas and a halvah sampler this time?  EAT YOUR BREAKFAST AND PAY FOR THE SINS OF MUSSOLINI!

Announce-In Of The Night:

Forget the boooorrrrrrr-iinng Dunk-In during the Rookie Challange, how about the “Announce-In” betwen Dwight Howard, Nate Robinson and Pau Gasol — all guest announcers during the game.  Howard started off as a seeming natural — he has announcer-talk down pat, and provides comic relief with his impersonations (he did Stan Van Gundy and Barkley) and nicknames (calling James Harden Mose and describing one of his made 3’s as “parting the net”).  However, he ended up sounding like a video game announcer with VERY limited recorded phrases, repeating the same things over and over and over and over again.  Then Robinson (our winner) got on the M-I-C and really brought the players perspective with some good Xs-and-Os talk and specific insight on players.  Pau was good too though, especially describing the specifics of day-to-day life playing as a European pro and the differences in high school level ball and players.

Trade Of The Night:

Dallas gets:

Caron Butler
Brendan Haywood
DeShawn Stevenson
Cash

Washington gets:

Josh Howard
Drew Gooden
Quinton Ross
James Singleton

Pretty easy to break this down.  Dallas gets tougher and deeper for the stretch run, and the Wizards start their second firesale of the past 10 years.  We do not know if this is enough to position the Mavs as a clear challenger to the Lake Show, but it sure looks nice on paper.  Haywood gives you outstanding interior D, as well as the ol’ Carolina championship good luck charm that so many NBA teams have utilized in the past.  Tough Juice gives you another clutch player that can create their own shot.

Terry Lewis and Jimmy Jam ARE All-Star Weekend… Rick Fox and Nancy Lieberman = unstoppable tandem…  DRIZZY!  ESPN put him on the track, but didn’t let him sing the hook!  Use your stars, ESPN!… Terrence J should be banned from life…  Just when you thought it was not possible, Craig Sager next-leveled it during the Rookie Challenge with that carpet/curtain/upholstery/wallpaper combo suit…  Ricky Rubio’s name came up during the Rookie game, and damn — regardless of how good he is night in and night out, he is going to be INSANE in the Rookie Game… Chris Kaman IS All-Star Weekend!… Brandon Jennings brings back the Gumby, and shockingly, Kevin McHale had never heard the term.  Robert Parish wasn’t rocking that back in the day?…  Why exactly was there a random guy at the Rookie Game, court-side, wearing a horned Viking helmet?…  Dang, Brook Lopez is even angry in All-Star games!… Dwight Howard makes the Guinness Book Of World Records for “Longest Seated Shot” — He made one sitting down from 3/4 court!… As annoying as Reggie Miller is, DAMN he tries hard.  You cannot say he doesn’t get into it.  We could not help but think it was hilarious how obsessed he was with JerryVision… Want to buy some DVDs?   Aaaeeeeeeeeee!…  If anything, Usher needs to give his PANTS more.  What’s up with all his Capris?  Leather Capris?  Really?… Was Will Ferrell in the Canadian Tenors?…  It was hilarious to us, for some reason, when the camera panned to Tim Duncan during “O Canada”, following the obvious Nash and Bosh shots… We think Kevin McHale gets some sort of residuals every time he utters the phrase “Bully ball”…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Joe Johnson — 36 points, 3 boards, 1 assist

Johnson led the Hawks to yet another win over the C’s last night, making it 3 on the year.  Although it is worth noting Boston has been far from full strength for the last two of those.  Also, while Johnson had the most points, and the better overall game, J-Creezy made several key plays down the stretch.  Hopefully those two can continue to coexist peacefully, as they form a lethal clutch combo.

Worst Of The Night:

Your day yesterday, if you are a Milwaukee Bucks fan.

First you find out Michael Redd is out for the year with a 2nd ACL tear in as many years.  Damn.  Guess it’s Brandon Jennings or bust, on the offensive side of things, now?  And once you get done feeling bad for Redd, you cannot feel good about that $18 milli he’s owed next year.  Then, just before game time, Scott Skiles had to go to the hospital with an irregular heartbeat.  Guess he was worried a little about that offense, as well.

And Detroit, we see you.  Milwaukee stole your lowlight today, but you probably will not get away with another one.

Near Larry Bird Of The Night:

LeBron James — 37 points, 11 assists, 8 boards, 4 blocks, 2 steals

That’s two “nears” in a row for Bron-Bron, but this one has the G-State asterisk, of course.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

If you have ever wondered exactly what sled dogs eat before the Iditarod, now you might be able to get your answer from none other than Udonis Haslem.  Last night Carlos “Iditarod” Boozer came down the lane on a fast break, throw a little pass fake to his right, then BOOM!  EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!  HAVE SOME ALASKAN HUSKY HOTCAKES!  AND WASH THAT DOWN WITH SOME MALAMUTE MUSH!  Watch out though, Mr. Haslem might be a little salty when you ask him about this topic.

NBA Not-So-Fit Of The Night:

Rasheed Wallace — Out for about a week with a foot injury.

Guess he wasn’t ready to play those big minutes, huh?  Geez, ‘Sheed, we shower you with some praise and then you do this to us.  With ‘Sheed and KG out, it’s now all about one man, and one many only:  BIG BAAAAAAAAAABY!!!!!

Twin Towers Of The Night:

Al Jefferson — 22 points, 15 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Kevin Love — 20 points, 14 boards, 2 assists

For this game only — a loss to the Nuggets — these numbers really mean nothing.  But in the grander scheme of things, seems like these ‘Wolves have something nice going on down low (word to J-Lo).  And now there are rumors these guys cannot play together and one or both may be on the trading block?  Wow, that better just be a rumor.  These guys have barely even played together!  Give them a chance!  Unless there is something going on behind the scenes to which we are not privy, seems ridiculous that either of these guys names would be mentioned in those clandestine GM phone calls.

The Raptors lost to the hapless Pacers, but Andrea Bargnani with 17 boards?  That is encouraging… A.J. Price — GUNNER… Corey Maggette is still a FT beast in obscurity out in G-State.  Last night — 17-18 from the stripe… Randolph Morris doing the Tony Yayo/Tim Thomas from the Hawks’ bench is hilarious… Defend and rebound, defend protect the paint… And one more time for posterity’s sake — BIG BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABAYYYYYY!!!!!!!