L.O.N.

Andre 3 Stacks told us back in 1995 that “the South got something to say”.  That sure rang true as the 2nd Round began.  The Dirty Dirty South was definitely in the building with Memphis and Atlanta pulling off their surprising Game 1 upsets over Oklahoma City and Chicago, respectively.  Dallas and Miami are more South by geography than culture, but they held up their end of the bargain.  We’ll see if the South keeps talking.

Line Of The Night:

Joe Johnson — 34 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 3 steals

Jamal Crawford — 22 points, 3 assists, 1 board, 1 steal, 1 block

Last night Chuck said he wished he could put Jamal Crawford’s brain in Joe Johnson’s body.  While we appreciate Barkley’s ruminations on brain-swapping — on of our favorite pasttimes — if they play like they did last night, they are the perfect fire & ice combo.  In fact, they meet one of Barkley’s other favorite scenarios.  To win a championship, he claims, you must have “That Dude” (Johnson) and a “Crazy Guy” (J-Creezy).

No doubt, Johnson was at the top of his game last night, with the perfect combination of efficiency and assertiveness.  While Creezy’s crazy is there every night, this type of game is not always what the Hawks get from Johnson.  OutKast went on to be one of the greatest Hip-Hop groups of all-time after Andre’s statement.  Only last night’s version of Joe Johnson can lead the Hawks to a similar post statement impact.

Worst Of The Night:

The Los Angeles Lakers blowing a 16-point 3rd quarter lead.

How did that happen?  Other than Dallas’ end of half mental gaffes, the Lakers seemed to be dominating on their own accord.  They seemed to be maximizing every offensive advantage their unique lineup provided.  They made Dallas look like Dirk and a bunch of mismatched one-way players.  Dallas lived on the perimeter, which is usually assured post-season death.  Then just like that, whether it be lost mental focus, or the genie going back in the bottle, the Lakers looked like a mess.  They were powerless to prevent the Mavs from slowly creeping back in.  With about 2:30 left, they had the ball, still up 3.  Their game, still, right?  But from then on, it was a string of bad possessions (other than Kobe’s final shot), largely due to some tremendous Dallas defense.  Mix in a couple breaks that went Dallas’ way, as well as some crazy shots from Dirk, and the Lakers found themselves in a familiar 0-1 deficit.

And is it a coincidence that Kobe’s two highest shot games this post-season have been the two Lakers Game 1 losses?  He looked outstanding in the 1st quarter, as he looked to but his imprint on the game and series, but as game clock wound, he maybe should have followed that 1st quarter output up with at least 1 assist.  Might have been the difference in this nailbiter.

Big Dirk Like Whut Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 28 points, 14 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

He played damn near flawless.  We could have done without that “fake tough guy” chicken wing he threw towards Artest, and there was one play in which he tried to finish at the rim in a hopelessly soft manner, but we cannot hate on his output.  Redirkulous.

Coach Of The Year Of The Night:

Tom Thibodeau received his Coach Of The Year award before the game last night.  After falling behind to the Hawks 0-1, he has to prove his worthiness all over again.  Larry Drew was like Hakeem Olajuwon after David Robinson won the 1995 MVP.  Drew was Dream Shakin’ on the chalkboard and dropping 50 in the huddle.  Now who’s coach of the year, Tom!

The Bulls did show one strategy change late in the game — trapping the ball as crossed halfcourt — that did prove at least bothersome to the Hawks.  All the coaching in the world won’t make Korver quicker than Teague, anyone capable of stopping some of those Johnson and Creezy shots, or heal Derrick Rose’s re-sprained ankle, but the Bulls have to come up with something better on offense.

Al Horford on the Hawks, Joakim Noah on the Bulls, Corey Brewer on the Mavs, and Taurean Green on the ???  Seems like some team out there fishing right now missed an auto-pass to the 2nd Round by not handing out a minimum contract to the fourth Gator… The Kings are back in Sacramento for at least one more year…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

The madness is officially over.  It’s all double-headers, single games, or [gasp] nights off from here on out.  After the trailing teams went 0-3 in for Game 7’s last night, the Spurs are the last hope for one in the first round.  Second round is when we start to realize the realism of life and actuality, though.  Word to AZ.  So fasten your seat belts.  Word to Ralph Lawler.

Line Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 33 points, 11 boards, 4 assists, 1 block

Big.  Dirk.  Like.  Whut.  Chris Johnson hit him with a shot to the head and lit a fire under Dirk.  He was the Dirk we’d like to see more often in the Mavs closeout game.  Fiery.  On fire.  Virtually unstoppable.  But is it going to have to take a bump to the head to get him going like this against the Lakers?  At least he’ll have Ron Artest around to potentially provide such a blow.  It was a true team effort to close this one out though, as Dirk, Jet, Kidd, Shawn Marion and J.J. Barea all had key baskets in the clutch.  Oh, and Tyson Chandler on D against LaMarcus Aldridge.

Worst Of The Night AKA Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 11 assists, 10 points, 8 boards, 2 steals

Wow, did we just write that?  Probably a first in L.O.N. history to have these two categories coincide.  Paul would tell you himself it was not his best effort.  Hard to say exactly what happened, but it seemed like he — and his teammates — did not show the expected desperation until way late.  The Lakers even game them a little opening to start the game, as they came out lethargic as well.  Tough pill to swallow for CP3, but you cannot fault him much, given his amazing effort throughout the rest of the series.

Strategery Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 24 points, 3 steals, 2 assists, 1 rebound

The stats are whatever, but what we noticed was how good a job he did bringing up the ball quickly and getting it to the big men early before the Hornets’ D was setup.  And credit to Bynum and Gasol for getting down the floor and establishing position at an equal pace.  That strategy killed the Hornets all night long.

Don’t Blame Him Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 25 points, 15 boards, 3 blocks, 2 assists, 1 steal

Beastly all series.  Perhaps his greatest playoff series off his career, individually.  But like Chuck says, you don’t live by the 3, you die by the 3.  Save for Game 5, the Magic could not hit the shot they launch in bushels, and it was their downfall. The Magic face a tough situation heading into this offseason.  With expensive guys like Jameer and Gilbert Areneas duplicating roles, will management blow it up again?  And do they even have movable pieces to do something like that?  Big, big offseason for this squad.

Blame Him Of The Night:

LaMarcus Aldridge — 24 points, 10 boards

Your best player has to be your best player.  Aldridge’s production stayed roughly the same — even went down a little — in the postseason.  It’s gotta go up.  Much was made during the regular season, especially regarding All-Star selections, of Aldridge raising his game following Brandon Roy’s injuries.  He wasn’t ready to take that next step this year, at least not with Tyson Chandler hounding him.

Whew, Tyson Chandler saw the waitress coming with his breakfast, but got out of his booth just in time… Maybe in person it was a good look, but from afar, on tv, it looked like Monty purely put on the wrong suitcoat.  He sorta looked like the beach — ocean on the bottom, sand up top.  God was willing, but the creek didn’t rise… Josh Smith is a debacle, albeit an entertaining debacle… Individually, this series goes to Ariza over Artest, right?  It still seems like the Lakers should have picked him… Larry Drew and Stan Van Gundy thought there was one more competition in the series — who could talk more in the post-game presser… Chalk one up for Carolina over Duke.  Marvin Williams > J.J. Redick…  WE DID IT CREEZY!!!!!

It took eleven nights, but we finally had a “bad” night of the Playoffs.  Three games, three blowouts.  Enough drama unfolded to keep things interesting, though.

Line Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 25 points, 6 assists, 2 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks

M-V-P!  M-V-P!  M-V-P!  It wasn’t the ankle injury from the previous game that slowed down Rose and the Bulls in this one, it was foul trouble.  Rose went out early in the 3rd with his 4th foul, and Indiana started to get it in.  Tom Thibodeau quickly put his entire offense back in the game, and it was on.  Donkey Kong.  Derrick Rose assist.  Derrick Rose three.  DERRICK ROSE BLOCK!!!!  Derrick Rose three.  Derrick Rose foul shot.  Derrick Rose three.  Game time.  Series over.  On to the next.

Worst Of The Night:

Darren Collison — 7 points, 5 assists, 3 boards

Collison started off this series balling, needing no time to get acclimated to these Playoffs.  It was almost enough to lead his team to a Game 1 upset.  Almost.  He looked to continue this breakout performance in Game 2, but was injured after falling on a camerman under the basket.  He was never the same.  Maybe it was the injury, maybe the defensive-minded Bulls figured out an anti-Collison elixir, but either way, the rest of the series he was a shadow of the guy that was everywhere for the Pacers in Game 1.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks, 76 points vs. Orlando Magic

Guess they really wanted to close this thing out at home, instead of on the road.  But guess what?  There are no guarantees, and you just let a team that bombs 3’s get loose from outside and you gave Dwight Howard a virtual night off.  Momentum just swung hard in Orlando’s direction.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

Wah, wah, wah.  I’m Kobe Bryant and my ankle hurts.  Wah, wah, wah.  Not really, but I desperately need the attention.  Wah, wah, wah.  Eat your breakfast, Emeka.  Wah, wah, wah.  Plays like that alone would get me the attention, but I need more.  Wah, wah, wah.

NBA-Tinged Lyrics Of The Night:

“But I’m Bynum and Gasol, this is all my lane/Your little Calderon raps too small to hang”, Shad, “Give You All I Can”

Switch Calderon with Okafor, and you have a literal description of what went down last night.  The Lakers dominated the offensive boards and second chance points, which they really should do every game against this Hornets squad.  As usual, a motivated Lakers team is a winning Lakers team.

Playoff Beards Of The Night:

What is going on Orlando?  Are they the first group to grow groomed Playoff beards?  Are they not united on the movement?  Is it purely a coincidence and it is simply a bunch of guys with facial hair?  Is it all a big prank on J.J. Redick and Earl Clark?  The people want answers.

Objection, your honor!  Please disallow Exhibit A.  Sustained!… Think the Spurs are hoping for an Orlando-like performance in Game 5?  They have similar role players that have not done much, that would love to get rolling… Malik Allen alert… It pains us to say it, and hopefully this is buried well enough that no one actually reads it, but we love Dahntay Jones’ mentality and wish more guys played the game like him… No doubt the Bulls are seriously considering keeping Joakim Noah’s grandfather on-call to show up for important games.  Noah had next level energy last night… Looks like we can all agree that, while a very, very good player, Danny Granger is officially not an “impose my will” guy… The Bulls series victory over the Pacers means one thing:  The Jersey Neckline Gods have ruled:  classic beats that wishbone garbage… QUEENSBRIDGE!!!!  Ron Artest won the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award for his work raising awareness of mental health issues.  Representing lovely… Carlos Boozer injured his toe during last night’s game.  It is unknown if it will cost him any time… FREE T.J. FORD!!!

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 29 points, 12 boards, 10 assists

We are a triple-double shop.  We built this on a love for triple-doubles.  The King racks up the 2nd Ice Cube in All-Star history, then he gets the L.O.N.nie.  It is that simple.  The highlight(s) of the game, for us, was when Bron would press his “I’m better than you button”, word to Greg Boone, do his best Unstoppable train impersonation, go past everybody and just dunk.  Love it.

MVP Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 37 points, 14 boards, 3 assists, 3 steals

His 4th MVP ties him for the most in All-Star game history, with Bob Pettit and it sho nuff looked like he was going to take down Wilt’s record of 42 points, in the 4th quarter.  It was Los Angeles, and it was his time.  The Kobster decided to put on a full scale production of the Kobe Show in the first three quarters… but was he clutch?  The West needed Kevin Durant to lock this thing up.  Let the firestorm rain down.  [Looks up and waves hands in bring it on motion]

Dunk Of The Night:

The enduring image that is sticking with us from the dunk contest is Baron Davis popping out of the sunroof of that car to throw the oop Blake Griffin!  Awesome.  It makes us smile every time we think of it.

Somebody on Twitter mentioned that this year all 4 contestants should have been given 4 dunks, and we agree.  All of the guys brought creativity and execution this year, which is rare.  Javale McGee, though… did you run out of ideas?  On his last attempt it seemed like he had already emptied his bag of tricks.  And obviously, it goes without saying that there was a bit too much, um, shameless promotion by a certain car brand this year, but we really can’t knock the hustle.

Distribution Center Of The Night:

John Wall — 22 assists, 12 points, 2 steals, 2 boards, 1 Rookie Challenge MVP

Wall set out to break the assist record for the rookie game and did it, leading the rookies to their second consecutive victory.  One of those passes was the highlight of the evening — a crazy bounce oop to Blake Griffin.  Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.  Word to Fabolous.

Built For This Of The Night:

DeJuan Blair — 28 points, 15 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks

What is up with Blair and All-Star games?  After last year’s standout performance in the Rookie game, he put in another monster effort this year, as a sophomore, including an unbelievable self-oop off the board.  He might be even better than the world thinks.  Every time he breaks out of the Spurs system, he balls out.  Definitely shows he is the perfect fit for the Spurs organization, because he is capable of crazy individual production, but sacrifices to fit in there.

Celebrity Of The Night:

BIEBER!  Justin Bieber, the celebrity game MVP, made a belieber out of a lot of NBA fans over the weekend and simultaneously brought in a lot of haters for his attempted takeover of All-Star Weekend.  His crossover of Common in the celeb game is the stuff of legend at this point, and even though the fans would have voted him MVP even if he had sat the bench the entire game, he legitimately showed intensity and overall skill in Friday night’s celebrity game.  People on the hater side got their rocks off too, when Scottie Pippen (almost cruelly) blocked one of his shots.  As a result, Bieber was the talk of the weekend during the various telecasts.  All we can say is, BIEBER ALERT!

Legend Of The Night:

And speaking of Scottie Pippen, he looked VERY good in the celebrity game, causing Magic Johnson, coach of the opposing team, to exclaim repeatedly how he was having flashbacks to the 1991 Bulls vs. Lakers NBA Finals.  He was not exaggerating either.  You are telling us Pip couldn’t give this years Bulls 10 good minutes per game in the Playoffs?  That 3 was looking super nice.

R.I.P. H.O.R.S.E. competition, we miss you, even if no one else does…  Forget the Kobe Show, apparently when Maria Menounos is on the red (in this case magenta) carpet, it’s the Maria Show!  Pass the ball Maria!…  Nice victory for James Jones in the 3-point contest.  Homey is a 3-point shooting robot out there and we loved his thoughtful answers in the post-competition interview.  Like we have said before, your boy might have the best job in the world…  Meeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… We don’t care what people say, we love Derrick Rose’ yellow shoes.  They looked great as a contrast to the blue uniforms.  And yes, L.O.N. is run by a Michigan grad!…  Shaq was outstanding in his brief appearance with the TNT crew.  The way he presented his idea about a potential tie between Ray Allen and Paul Pierce in the 3-point contest was classic…  KANYE=Awesome.  And really, all the Sunday pre-game/halftime performances…  Loved Dwyane Wade rooting like crazy for Dorell Wright in the 3-point contest.  DW4L… We are not on the Los Fearless bandwagon.  At first, we thought it was centered around only Kobe, and that was fine.  But it’s so transparently Los Angeles inspired, and yet features guys like Rondo and Pierce.  Doesn’t feel right…  Let the trade season begin…

A Moment Of Silence Of The Night:

Many in the industry had a heavy heart over this weekend.  First, the TNT guys gave a shout out to Stuart Scott, who was undergoing cancer treatment.  Then the news spread that Blake Griffin’s very good friend, whom Blake was set to visit in OKC next week and who had been fighting cancer for a minute, passed in the days leading up to the weekend.  Finally, word broke late Sunday that Mark Jackson’s younger brother and streetball star Troy “Escalade” Jackson had passed in his sleep while in Los Angeles for All-Star Weekend.  To all affected, hold your head.  Our thoughts are with you.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

More than many recent seasons, little intrigue lies at the top of the NBA standings.  Some combo of the East’s Ceatles/Cavs/Magic and the West’s Lakers/Spurs will meet in the Finals.  Ok, we will be lenient and throw the Nuggets and Mavs in there as well.  So if all you care about is the results at the top, come back in time for the Playoffs.  But for the true NBA heads, it’s all about the journey.  Welcome to the trip guide for that journey, the 2009-2010 L.O.N. Season Preview, questions-style — word to A Tribe Called Quest, Common and Mos Def.

1)  What have you missed most about the NBA?  Is it hard to get excited about the NBA when you are not excited about your team?

Not when you have…

Ralph Lawler… Big Baby Davis jokes… Rajon Rondo roller skating jokes… J.R. Smith… LeBron James triple-doubles… check that, ALL triple-doubles… EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!! moments… beautiful lefty jump shots… Jeff Van Gundy… C-WEBB, GP AND AHMAD RASHAD!  Our main men…  T.J. Ford… Anthony Parker finally able to showcase his sick professionalism on a national stage as the new shooting guard for the Cleveland Cavs… Derrick Rose… The crazy number of lineup combos Dallas can throw out, the coach and statistical-based staff that can dream those combos up and an owner just crazy enough to support the whole process… THE BIRDMAN!!!…  Joe Dumars best signing of the off-season — bringing back Chucky Atkins so now we can rejoice when Mason shouts out: “CHUCKY-CHUCKY Atttttttttt-kins”… The pure excitement of Anthony Randolph’s spontaneity and on-the-court recklessness… The electricity sparked every time Jonny Flynn takes the floor…  Shaun Livingston…

2)  What is the L.O.N. Pre-Season Top 10 League Pass Ranking?

#1 — Denver — Basketball debauchery in the flesh — J.R. Smith is the human embodiment and Denver is the team embodiment.  While losing a bit of fun with the departure of Linas Kleiza, they gained a facilitator of debauchery in Ty Lawson.  With Chauncey Billups and Melo making sure things stay fun in the win column, the Nuggets are the best combination of winning and entertainment in the League today.

#2 — Oklahoma City –  As the evolution of Kevin Durant continues, we will be watching.

#3 — San Antonio — We are well known Spurs supporters and with Manu back in the mix and majorly hyped new pieces in Richard Jefferson, Antonio McDyess and DeJuan Blair, we gotta see what kind of team Pop can make out of these guys.  And how about those seemingly minor moves to fill out the bench?  We can see Keith Bogans and Theo Ratliff playing important roles in spurts this season.

#4 — Cleveland — We love Shaq.  We love LeBron.  But do we love Shaq and LeBron?  Time to find out.

#5 — Los Angeles Lakers — What?  Did we just say that?  Choosing to listen to Joel Meyers?  Well, at least they are a part of many national broadcasts.  We cannot help it.  This thing could explode and we want to be there when it does.  If all else fails, we have the Official Player Of L.O.N. to enjoy — Lamar Odom.

#6 — Golden State — A crazy coach leading a crazy cast of characters playing a crazy brand of basketball.  We love it.

#7 — Washington — We missed Gilbert last year and want to see him back at full strength.  But if there is no Gilbert, this team drops out of these rankings in a hurry.  If he can stay on the court, he becomes the centerpiece of a surprisingly deep roster.  This team can do some things.

#8 — Chicago — Derrick Rose.

#9 — Atlanta — We love J-Creezy and we are going to love finally seeing him in the Playoffs.  You might even be able to convince us that this team could theoretically move themselves up in the Eastern Conference hierarchy.  Okay, did the East just get really deep?  Deeper than the West?  Deeper than rap?  RAAAWWWWWWSE.

#10 — Phoenix — If no one else is on, give us the uptempo team every time.

3)  Will Shaq and LeBron dominate the entire world this season?  What hi-jinx will they get in to?

This is perhaps the most discussed subplot and acquisition of the off-season.  However, the aspect that has been under-reported, is what this could mean for pre-game lineup intro rituals.  Last year Shaq’s Suns and LeBrons’s Cavs both produced highly entertaining intros game after game.  Now what happens when these forces unite?  Paul and John creating magic or Paul and John wrecking their team?  Tune in early for Cavs games and you just may catch a glimpse of their on-the-court fate.

4)  Is LeBron going to leave Cleveland?

No idea.  It all depends on what he envisions as his ultimate goal.  Win title-upon-title at all costs?  He signs the veteran’s minimum in San Antonio, Orlando or Portland.  Win the titles without sacrificing contract money, and a side order of major market power?  He joins the Clip Joint and teams with Eric Gordon, Boom Dizzle and Blake Griffin.  Hopefully, maybe win and become the hometown hero while maximizing your NBA money?  Cavs, holmes.  Take over the world, literally, with Jay-Z?  Hello, Brooklyn (maybe) Nyets.  Maximize your marketing prowess AND flirt with that oh-so-alluring season triple-double average in the Basketball Mecca?  He gets that New York State Of Mind and heads the high octane D’Antoni Knicks.

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?  Tune in next summer to find out.  Sorry in advance for all of the endless speculation between now and then.

5)  Will LeBron repeat his 2008-09 MVP campaign?  Can he keep improving at basketball?

He definitely can keep improving, and there is no reason to think he will not.  The MVP award is notoriously political and fickle, though, and there is no guarantee he will get the award even if he puts up the best numbers (which he will).  But as long as Steve Nash has more MVPs than LeBron, Kobe and Shaq (1 each) the award remains an absolute joke.

6)  Tell us about LeBron vs. Braylon.  If they both called you and lobbied for you to take their side, whom would you roll with?  Did LeBron secretly stage this whole thing to send Braylon out to scout NY ahead of time?

All we’ll say is this — you cannot spell Braylon without L.O.N.

Now for the Tech Guy’s (a noted Michigan alum) commentary on the situation:  “I would’ve punched his chump friend, too.  He’s probably an Ohio State fan.”

7)  Why does Shaq hate Kobe so much and does he still?

Well… because Kobe is Kobe.  Ha!  But seriously, they play nice in public, but we are pretty sure the hate, or at least animosity, tension, whatever you want to call it, still brews beneath the surface.  But even if it’s not hate, there is most certainly a competition when it comes to career titles.  With both having legit shots at that 5th ring this year, the rivalry is alive and well.  The NBA powers that be would absolutely love a Lakers/Cavs Finals pitting these two (oh, and some guy named LeBron) against each other.

8)  Did L.O.N. C.E.O. Shannon Booher get any training camp invites after dunking on and injuring L.O.N. Head of Sales, Bread Costello?

Unfortunately the Head of Sales used his diabolical influences to immediately confiscate and destroy the grainy home video of this occasion.  Without this key piece of evidence, GMs just weren’t willing to roll the dice on the self-described “poor man’s mix of Steve Blake and Larry Hughes.”

9)  Who will be the Rookie Of The Year?

Blake Griffin.  (Uh oh… the Clippers Curse struck 1 day before the season opened.  Griffin will miss around 6 weeks with a knee injury.  It’s a wide open R.O.Y. race, now).

The best rookie on a contender?

Ty Lawson.

The most invisible rookie?

Ricky Rubio.  Many tears have been shed in the L.O.N. offices over the Rubio Debacle.

Most likely to regret leaving school early?

Stephen Curry.  Even if breaks out of his J.J. Redick-like preseason performance/shooting slump, the mess of a team he ended up on will have him dreaming of Davidson.

Most likely to choke his coach or be a dark horse candidate for R.O.Y.?

Brandon Jennings.  He and Scott Skiles seem like a match made in hell, but if everything works out, he could push 40 minutes a game.  It is a sink or swim like Phelps situation.

10)  If Jim O’Brien deploys Indiana’s “White Out” lineup of Travis Diener, Mike Dunleavy, Jr., Troy Murphy, Tyler Hansbrough and Jeff Foster, will Larry Bird retire on the spot?

Yes, his legacy fulfilled, he will immediately throw his button-up into the crowd and calmly walk out of the arena.

11)  As good as he is, is Kevin Durant the next Allen Iverson?

First of all, is that supposed to be an insult?  A.I. is one of the greatest human beings to ever play the game of basketball.  Period.  End of discussion.  Given his size, he is also right up there in the “pound-for-pound” greatest to ever play discussion.  Second of all, given their vastly different body types and play styles, this question almost sounds like the result of an NBA Mad Lib book.  We will humor our reader, though, and break it down.

Despite different, and even opposing, strengths, there is no question both guys possess singular offensive talent — both can flat out score.  Iverson’s abilities come in such a unique package, though, that only one coach and team has been able to harness those abilities into a successful team structure.  It seems Durant fits a little better into the traditional team structure, although even he has already changed positions once (from shooting guard to small forward).  In addition, both guys’ teams suffered losing seasons in their first couple campaigns.  A.I. turned that around in year 4, and has generally stayed on the winning side of things ever since.  It remains to be seen if and when Durant can make that same turnaround.  Perhaps their biggest similarity is the debate of whether or not each improves his teammates on the court.  Despite his ridiculous individual talent, and high assist numbers, A.I. has been roundly criticized for not making his teammates better over his career.  In recent weeks, Kevin Durant has faced similar heat, in a debate centering around his adjusted plus-minus numbers.  This is an interesting similarity, but we stand on the side of things that says these numbers will reverse for KD.  Because he has shown a burning desire to improve each and every year and he is backed by an extremely competent GM, we think he is going to get better, his team is going to get better, and therefore his APM will get better.

So bottom line, are there subtle similarities between these two sublime stars?  Certainly.  Are the similarities strong enough to call KD “the next A.I.”?  A resounding no.  Enjoy each and every minute of these two guys on the court, though, as they truly display two vastly different methods to accomplish the same goal on the basketball court — score the ball.

12)  Who are the Mailroom Supervisor’s most missed/most anticipated H.O.N.nies?

Gilbert Arenas, Tayshaun Prince, Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire and Baron Davis.  But Baron, she says, is on notice with that Kimbo Slice beard he’s rocking.

13)  Who got the best new tattoo in the off-season?

Let’s start with what we know.  DeShawn Stevenson really had a lot of time on his hands, adding an Abe Lincoln portrait surrounded by 5’s on his neck, a backwards Pittsburgh Pirates “P” and a Frankenstein-esque cracked forehead.  We cannot really support any of those.  We could maybe roll with Abe if he had not cheapened it with the 5’s.

Watching Birdman during the pre-season, it looks like he also went back to the ink lab this off-season to spend some of his new millions.  He was already nearly covered up, but it looks like he filled in a lot more color and added a blue bird in the same neck area as DeShawn’s Abe.

Michael Beasley is also confirmed as getting a new tat, but unfortunately he drew more attention for the potential drug paraphernalia in the picture.  Let’s stay focused on the tat though — pretty ridiculous.  We are not sure if the whole back is new, or just the “Supercool Beas” part, but either way… not good.  At least it will be covered up most of the time.

So we are not ready to hand out praise quite yet, as we need to get more info on this always developing story.

14)  Are there any uniform changes to talk about?

ESPN Page2’s Paul Lukas always breaks this down the best, so go there for full detail.  Really, that piece is awesome.  We could look at NBA uniforms, logos and patches all day.  And a link showing all 30 teams’ arena floor layouts?  Awesome juice.

Here are the highlights:

–What in the world is Charlotte thinking?  Their primary unis have gone from lovably bad to terribly horrific.  And hide the women and children from that NASCAR alternate.

–Memphis added a shimmery third alternate.  Looks like somebody found one of A.I.’s old Denver jerseys hanging around and threw a Memphis on it.

–Houston has created a new version of their previously ill ketchup and mustard joints as an alternate.  Love it.

–Thankfully, Philly is going back to their traditional Independence Day red, white and blue color scheme.

15)  Does anyone have faith in Joe Dumars anymore?

Yes — you (the Unpaid Intern), the Mailroom Supervisor, and about 3 of Dumars’ distant family.

16)  Do the Pistons have a chance this year?

A chance at…

…having the most guaranteed money coming off the bench?  Yes.
…benching the best point guard on the team to start Joe Dumars’ “guy”?  Yes.
…having a “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams” remix painting featuring their center committee of Ben Wallace, Kwame Brown and Chris Wilcox?  Yes.
…making the Playoffs?  Yes.
…winning the Title?  Yes… if they trade for Memo!  They still have not been the same since he left.

17)  Are they going to miss ‘Sheed?

No doubt.  He was the missing piece that put them over the top for their 2004 title.  Hopefully the fans remember and appreciate that contribution.  And if ya’ll thought ‘Sheed was inconsistent and lacked focus… hello, Charlie Villanueva!

18)  Will ‘Sheed make a huge difference in Boston?

That is up to him.  The Ceatles certainly could have used him LAST year, given KG’s knee problems.  If used properly this year, maybe he can help keep KG healthy for the stretch run.  If the other Ceatles stay healthy (big if), and ‘Sheed is hungry, he will be a beast of a missing piece for them.  We think that is exactly what will happen, since the other Celtic vets can create an environment of peer accountability that simply did not exist on last year’s splintered Detroit team.  Looks like a little bit more will be expected out of him straight from jump, as Big Baby apparently injured his thumb fighting a former college teammate!  Yeah, we said we missed Big Baby jokes, now let them flow!

19)  Can Lamar Odom, um, keep up with the Kardashians?

It is easy to point out the increasingly circus-like atmosphere surrounding the Lake Show.  Lamar marries Khloe Kardashian, Ron Artest brings his three-ring circus to town, Andrew Bynum continues to be mercurial at best, etc., etc.  But what if Lamar’s marriage centers him and brings out the best in him?  What if Ron Artest’s eccentricities lighten the mood and tension of a grueling 100 game season?  What if Andrew Bynum is able to fully spreadshis wings now that he is out from underneath Kareem’s shadow?  What if this is just the challenge Phil Jackson needs to get the most out of this squad?

Uhhhhh, no.  We see implosion.  No repeat.  Forget the shenanigans, they just plain got worse talent wise, on the court.

20)  And while we are in the gossip pages… L.O.N.’s resident Legal Counsel asks:  How will blind items factor into this season?

With all the highly publicized non-blind off-the-court drama over the past year (Dirk scammed by his girlfriend, Lamar and Khloe, Mike Beasley goes Amy Winehouse, E-City nudity allegations, Starbury and UStream, A.I.’s gambling blow ups), there has to be a treasure trove of this stuff out there.  Michael Jordan could have a tabloid dedicated solely to him that would challenge anything else out on the market!  As the sports world blurs more and more into the entertainment world, blind items and gossip in general will become a bigger and bigger part of the NBA.  And who is to say that is a bad thing?  It could fit under the old adage of “any publicity is good publicity.”

21)  He looked like he got it all working in the Playoffs last year — is this Melo’s year?

Did he get it all working in the Playoffs last year?  Sure he looked great in the first two series, but he disappeared a bit in their loss to the Lakers.  On top of that, there are already a lot of naysayers that do not think the Nuggets can match last year’s season.  So Melo still has a lot to prove, but we do think he will do it.  Maybe he can even swoop in and become one of those “it’s his turn” MVP winners.

22)  Will Darko come to life under Mike D’Antoni?  Say he will.

Okay, he will.

23)  Will Yi make China forget about Yao?

He will.

24)  Will Yao ever play again?

He will.

The answer to at least one of those last three questions was a lie.

25)  What do you think about this?  http://www.nba.com/enebea/

Global domination, baby.  The NBA, led by David Stern, has consistently been the best amongst the American sports leagues at spreading his brand worldwide.

26)  Carlos Boozer or Paul Millsap?

So the question is whiny Dookie or hard-working country boy?  Hard-working country boy all day ereday.  We are just mad Millsap could not get out of Utah with them matching the offer sheet he signed with Portland.

27)  Have we really seen the last of Starbury?

On an NBA court?  Yeah, looks like it.  On a social media site near you or plotting a Dr. Evil-style worldwide takeover in a boardroom somewhere?  No, sir.

28)  Who should have retired that did not?

Reggie Miller.

29)  Who is the worst person in the NBA?

Well, by extension… REGGIE MILLER!

30)  Who is the #1 fantasy basketball player?

In any and all formats — H2H, Roto, Keeper, whatever it is, LeBron James is your man.  Okay, maybe in an auction the price can get too high, but after last year’s 78% from the charity stripe, the man has no fantasy weakness.  And who is to say his stats cannot increase across the board?  His tendency towards elevating his game gives him the nod over CP3.

31)  What was the worst off-season move?

Based on early returns, we have to go with Portland’s signing of Andre Miller.  Maybe things will still come together as the season plays out, but as of right now it smacks of desperation salary cap spending.  Just save the space!  Use it in a trade, or in next year’s off-season!

32)  What is the worst contract in the League?

For contracts that carried over from last year, it is hard to see much good in Baron Davis’ and Elton Brand’s based on last year’s performance, but the absolute worst is Zach Randolph’s killer deal that will pay him $33 million over this year and next.  That is a major problem when no team with Randolph on it will ever win anything.  That is a literal and figurative elephant in the room.

For contracts signed over the summer, Cleveland signed Anderson Varejao to $50 million over 6 years!?!?!?!?!!  Wow.  That is way more than Birdman’s and more than Paul Millsap’s, just to name two comparable players.  It is well within the realm of possibility that LeBron and Shaq are not on the Cavs roster next season, leaving Varejao as their 2nd highest paid player behind Mo Williams.  Mo and Andy will not exactly recall great point guard/power forward tandems like Stocktontomalone or Payton/Kemp.  Players like Varejao come around the block.  Often.  Why lock yourself in to a monster deal like that?

33)  Greg Oden — fact or fiction?

Wow, you are really bringing out the tough ones now.  Uhhhh… facmaictionact?  He looked great in the pre-season, and we want him to succeed, but we along with everyone else, feel like the world will get it’s usual healthy serving of Ghostface Przybilla this season.  Sorry, Greg it is show and prove time.

34)  Which team could be a sleeper this year?

We do not think any team will sneak up into title contention (although we sorta talked ourselves into Atlanta and Washington having deep, deep sleeper status), but some sleeper playoff teams include:  the Clip Joint, OKC, and Milwaukee (if healthy, their defense and grind it out style will make them the team other teams hate to play against in regular season).

35)  What is the most boring team that no one should care about?

Whuuuuuuuut?  No such thing.  Every team has something awesome about it.

36)  How much would L.O.N. pay to have a Dirty Jerse Nyet come to their office Holiday Party?

Not $25k like the organization is asking, but to determine our actual price, we would need to know the answers to the following questions:

Is Devin Harris coming as himself, or a-alike Ludacris?  Will Rafer Alston resurrect the And-1 bus and bring all the And-1ers?  Is Courtney Lee bringing the rest of her hot friends?  Is Sean Williams bringing his, um, party favors?  Is Terrence Williams wearing the Sponge Bob pants and Barbie backpack?  Will Brook Lopez bring the comics and ice cream sundaes?  Damn, now that we think about it, that’s an eclectic bunch.  Maybe $25k is not so crazy after all.

37)  What will Rowan Jura Booher’s title be as the newest employee in the L.O.N. offices?

So far he is filling multiple roles such as L.O.N. Mascot, L.O.N. Freeloader and L.O.N. Official Burper.  We are going to let him try his hand at various tasks around the office and see what he likes best.

38)  I do not have a clever question, but please say something about Orlando.

Local boy traded to hometown team and rejuvenates them?  Chauncey Billups or Vince Carter?  A couple of problems with that comparison — Vinsanity is not quite a true hometown hero in Orlando like Smooth is in Denver and Orlando is nice and juvenated already.  They were in the Finals last year.  Vince comes to town facing major expectations, which has not always worked well with him.  The difference this year is he has a big time supporting cast.  Still, in order to be the hero he has to help them to a title and we do not think the Magic have it in them.

39)  So who will win the title?

Cavs over Spurs in 7.  LeBron gets #1 win and Shaq wins the race to 5.
As seen on SLAMOnline:

Okay, whoever you are out there, PUT THE BRANDAN WRIGHT VOODOO DOLL DOWN!!!… Eddie Jordan back in the hizzle… We really, really, really hope Delonte West is getting all the help and support he needs… FREE RASHAD MCCANTS!!!… Adding another overpowering personality to the roster WILL NOT help Mike Conley in Memphis.  And maybe the only thing that could ever help him at this point is reuniting him with Greg Oden… How is Chris Duhon still the starting point guard for the team that arguably needs a good point guard the most?…  There are new rims this year.  Who knew?…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 40 points, 6 boards, 3 assists, 1 steal

Last night’s game was a nightmare for Lakers-haters far and wide.  Mr. Cryant balled out (wow… the “throw it off the board to myself” play?), made his annoying celebratory faces and obnoxiously told Shane Battier about it throughout the entire affair.  He elbowed Ron Artest in the throat, only to have Artest get called for the foul and eventually get ejected.  Then public enemy number two or three — Derek Fisher — committed a crazily dirty foul on Luis Scola.  The only thing that could have made it worse for Anti-Laker Nation would have been Sasha Vujacic doing anything worthwhile on the court, and therefore getting more face time.

Lakers took this one down, but in our opinion, the Chuckster summed up the rest of this series best, when he asked, “Can Kobe do this 3 more times?”  ‘Cause that might be what it takes.

Worst Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 12 points, 12 boards, 1 assist, 0 blocks

That ain’t Superman, that ain’t Defensive Player Of The Year, that ain’t nothing.  Maybe Underdog?  Hancock?  Handi-Man?  Tiny Avenger?  Head Detective?  That last one definitely made no sense but a Head Detective reference cannot be denied.  And Head Detective would’ve had at least 2 blocks.

Larry Bird Of The Night AKA Near Distribution Center Of The Night:

Rajon Rondo — 18 assists, 15 points, 11 boards, 2 assists

We tried to tell ya’ll on the last joint that Rondo woke up mid-way through last game.  Ya’ll don’t even gotta go to summer school!  Just pick up that L.O.N. double thread post.  It’ll be all the wisdom you need.

Artestism Of The Night:

Ron Artest has been killing the post-game interviews in the Playoffs, and last night was no different:

“I remember when I used to play back home in the neighborhood, there was always games like that.  I remember one time it was one of my friends he was playing basketball, they was running a game.  It was so competitive they broke a piece of leg from a table and then threw it.  It went right through his heart and he died, right on the court.  So I’m accustomed to playing basketball really rough.”

Rough?  You think?  Were you playing with vampires, Ron?  Was Buffy running point?  Blade puttin’ up triple-doubles from the 3-spot?  Count Chocula with a mean post-game?

Unexpected Double-Double Of The Night:

Carl Landry — 21 points, 10 boards

Nice, but not quite enough to make up for Yao only playing 26 minutes due to foul trouble.  And why can’t Kenny Smith pronounce your name?  Blame it on Ky-y-y-y-y-le Low-ow-ry (word to Jamie Foxx).  He can’t help creating some kind of new amalgamation of Lowrandry every single time.

6th Man Of The Night:

Eddie House — 31 points, 4 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal

Most of this round’s 6th Man shine is on the battle between Jason Terry and J.R. Smith over in the Dallas/Denver series, but last night the spotlight was clearly on House.  Above and beyond his scoring output, his greatest contribution may have been getting under Rafer Alston’s skin enough to draw a head slap which looked like a very suspendable offense.  That leads to one question… will we get a Tyronn “The A.I. Stopper” Lue, appearance in Game 3?  Will he become the “Eddie House Stopper”?

The Rockets are viewed as the tough, agitators, but is it Kobe that is getting under their skin?  Ron-Ron spent a lot of time talking about him post-game, which could also just be a way to draw the refs’ attention to Kobe’s tactics.  One thing is for sure, after reviewing the tape, Kobe should not be suspended, as last night’s elbow was not as vicious joints on Manu, MIke Miller, etc… L.O.N. office playoff sub-plot — with the Nuggets now an “out of nowhere” title contender, two prop bets are in play.  1)  Total career titles by LeBron (The Tech Guy) vs. Melo (C.E.O.) and 2) Total career titles by Darko (The Unpaid Intern, not including Darko’s rookie title) vs. Melo (C.E.O.).  Yes, the Intern took Darko… F.B.I. arrests 37-year-old Cristal Taylor (she of 8 aliases) at the home of Dirk Nowitzki, on a theft charge and a probation violation.  What?  Is Dirk getting Anne Hathaway-ed?…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 36 points, 13 boards, 8 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Sure, the Detroit Pistons’ wives, girlfriends and children would have put up a better fight in this series, but Bron’s output is nonetheless historic.  He joined Oscar Robertson and Larry Bird as the only players to ever average 30 ppg, 10 rpg and 7 apg in a post season series.  You’re all welcome.

Worst Of The Night:

The other Spurs:

Matt Bonner, Drew Gooden, Roger Mason, Kurt Thomas, Ime Udoka — a combined 0-15 from the floor

That’s horrid.  And if those guys failed, then Michael Finley got a D- with his 2-6 performance.  Probably the most disappointing of these guys is Mason, he of the regular season hype.  If the Spurs hope to do the impossible, we’re guessing these guys will need to hit at least one shot in Game 5.

Fat Lever Of The Night:

Rajon Rondo — 25 points, 11 boards, 11 assists, 2 steals

Kenny Smith verbalized the Fat Lever comparison, and Rondo put down the nasty statline.  But despite the brilliant game, did he end up preventing a win with that pull up J at the end of OT 1?  Even if Doc called the play for him, he needs to get into the lane, and not pull up for a 22-foot J.  Or better yet, ignore the coach and get the ball into the hands of the guy that keeps hitting clutch shot after clutch shot — Ray Allen.

Near Fat Lever Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 23 points, 11 boards, 9 assists

A few days ago we put Courtney Lee at the top of the Playoff rookie pack.  We’re sorry, Mr. Rose.  The crown is yours.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 18 points, 18 boards, 3 blocks, 1 steal

The stat line looks dominating, but you couldn’t really tell it during the game.  The Magic barely eeked by the Sixers on a game-winning 3 by the Turkish Michael Jordan.  This series is up for grabs.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks — 78 points vs. Miami

The team was terrible on Saturday, but we really want contracted is Coach Hootie’s ridiculous goatee.

Detroit Pistons — 78 points vs. Cleveland

Good gracious… put these cats out of their misery.  The Pistons performance this season can only be described as sad and depressing.

Question Of The Night:

Prior to a free throw on Saturday in N’Awlins, what could have made both ‘Melo and Peja laugh, simultaneously?  Do we need a buddy copy movie starring those two?

I.  Will.  Not.  Lose.  Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 38 points, 6 boards, 2 steals, 1 assist

The Kobster wasted no time in Game 4.  Early in the first quarter he started systematically ripping the heart out of each and every member of the Jazz organization, taking a bite out of it, then throwing it on the court and stomping on it.  Not sure if Phil Jackson yelled:  “FINISH HIM!!!” in the midst of this.

Really Ryan Hollins?  Come on, settle down… What is wrong with the New Orleans crowd?  Awesome participation in the t-shirt promotion, sure, but the place sounded like a library… Nice to see Travis Outlaw join the Playoff festivities finally… Did the NBA actually murk the Playoffs marketing game this year?  Kanyeezy?  The slow-mo orchestra joints?  Never thought amazing would happen in the NBA marketing offices…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

After the wildly weird and uncomfortable Lil Wayne/Skip Bayless/Dana Jacobson ESPN segment, we’re not sure if we are actually writing this or if we now exist in a post-apocalyptic ether… not to mention Kobe praise is found in these here margins.  Yeah, post-apocalyptic ether it is.  Eeeeeeeee-ther boy.
Line Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 32 points, 15 assists, 3 boards, 3 steals

David West only had 40 because of CP3 so dead the protests.  This double-headed monster took down the Lakers in the Staples Center, and now quietly have the 2nd best record in the West.  #3 by mere percentage points?  Spid-durs.  Believe the Lakers hype at your own peril.

Obligatory Kobe Praise Of The Year Of The Night:

#10.  Really?  #10?  We’ll give #1 to Caron, but beyond that… take it from here, Seth and Amy.  REAALLY?!?  A former dunk champ blocks a midget’s shot and that’s higher?  REAAAAALLLY?!?  A former dunk champ hits a tip dunk and that’s higher?   REAAAAAAAAAALLY?!?  The Kobster’s teammate does a basic spin and dunk, and that’s higher?  Really?!?  Ok, we take part of it back… the Dwight Howard tip dunk was absolutely supertastic.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 19 boards, 10 points, 4 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Sorry, Marcus.  Honestly.  [whispering]  Clip Joint loses… again … 107-102 in Dallas.

Tribute Track Of The Night:

If you came up when L.O.N. did, then we dare you not to shed a tear listening to Jadakiss and Faith’s “Letter To B.I.G.“.  Right from the top when he says, “In your memory I keep a Coogi in my closet/Kangol on the rack with fresh pair of Wally’s”… that hits deep.  To be honest, we are scared about the upcoming biopic, Notorious.  Obama or no Obama, no matter how good it is — even if it was Oscar-worthy — there’d be the mainstream idiots out there trivializing the fact that the movie even exists.  So we beg… please, please, please let this movie be good, so at least we can feel good about defending it.  Because it WILL be defended.  Word to Ron Artest.

Rookie Of The Night:

Eric Gordon — 32 points, 6 assists, 3 boards

Give the man 46 minutes against the still-not-so-good-at-D Mavs, and you get 32 points.  How does a team with so many outstanding individual performances win so few games?  Oh… right… their coach is Mike Dunleavy.

Old Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 10 boards, 8 assists, 3 steals, 3 points, 1 block

Only Kidd misses the Near Triple-Double due to lack of scoring.  It’s his new signature.  Maybe he should get it tattooed on his ring finger.  If Brett Favre comes back again, on any given Sunday next fall, Kidd total points in a game vs. Favre interceptions might be a 50/50 proposition.

Not Ideal Follow Up Of The Night:

McGradles — 14 points on 5-15 shooting, 9 assists, 4 boards, 3 steals, 1 loss to the Sixers, 1 tragically gimpy knee

Just a guess, but if you were playing Apples To Apples, and the card said, “Best Follow Up To Defiant Media Comments“, you would not throw down your “5-15 shooting performance while limping around leading to a loss” card.

A Tribe/Jordan collabo?  That’s the definition of L.O.N.  Sick… To the Mavs courtside seat fan in the lower lefthand corner of your screen with the pink clappers:  ENOUGH!… The Grizz waived D-Miles following Tuesday’s loss, but at least he got this block in.  But no fist-to-head bump!… MJ was all smiles after his Bobcats beat the C’s.  Big win, right?  But the real reason for the smile?  FREE BASKETBALL!!!, of course… Harlem, get light… Alexis Ajinca or Nathan Jawai?  QUICK!  NOW!!!!  SAY IT!!!  PICK ONE NOW!!!  DO IT!!! HURRY!  NOW!  IMMEDIATELY!!!

As seen on SLAMOnline.com!  We’ve officially partnered up with SLAM, so you can now get your L.O.N. fix there, as well as a bunch of other great basketball stuff.

Line Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 25 points, 5 boards, 1 assist, 1 steal, 1 block

The defensive stopper of Team USA has mostly stayed in the background, offensively, as part of the national team.  Against Australia, he did not have much of a challenge on D, so either he was bored, the bigger stage of the medal round was too much for him to resist, or stuntin’ is simply too much of a habit, so he had to put it in the air.  The Kobester finally busted out the entire offensive arsenal — dunks, long-range threes, acrobatic and-1’s — in the quarterfinals. Maybe he is looking for another M.V.P. award for the mantle?  The defining play of the game came during a back-breaking 14-0 run to start the 3rd quarter.  Kobe hit a ridiculous and-1, while Aussie star player Andrew Bogut limped off the court with an ankle injury.  Welcome to the semis, USA.

Worst Of The Night:

Only one out of the four games in the first round of medal play was competitive, Argentina’s 2-point win over Greece (and that was ver refreshing to see).  Step your game up, world!  That means there is about 5 teams, and then everybody else.  Ya’ll need to give us some more, in 2012, in London.  We have a feeling China’s rise to prominence is inevitable — a billi, a billi, a billi, a billi… they’re ok, but their guards sick!  Give them some guard play, and it’s on.

Same Ish Different Toilet Of The Night:

Jose Calderon must feel like he’s back in the NBA.  In Spain’s quarterfinal match-up vs. Croatia, Calderon found himself sitting the bench as the game started, with young phenom Ricky Rubio starting at the point.  It closely mirrors last year’s T-Dot situation with T.J. Ford, as Rubio — like Ford — is the more flamboyant of the pair.  This showed during Spain’s 72-59 win.  In the midst of a a late Croatia run, Double-R made a couple questionable decisions, and was immediately pulled for Calderon, who came in as a calming influence.  During this sequence the diminuitive Calderon even executed a successful post-up, looking like an old school Mark Jackson!  Only in the international game… that’s as exclusive as an Olympics-only Nike colorway!

Semi-final Preview Of The Night:

The Redeem Team will face perhaps their toughest challenge of the Olympics, in Argentina.  The Argentines go for quality over quantity.  The team essentially only plays 6 guys, but 5 of those are in NBA rotations, and all have serious international experience.  While there is some chance of a let down, having been pushed to the brink by Greece in a heated, rivalry-type re-match, don’t count on it.  Every single player on the squad is tough, emotional and fiery.  Team USA better have their minds right from the start, or they will be crying BECAUSE of Argentina.

Still loving the Marvin Gaye/Team USA Nike ad… Has Australia always been green and yellow?  Or are they the Atlanta Hawks of the international scene, changing colors whenever they want, with little rhyme or reason?… At least Chris Kaman openly played for Germany.  Andre Miller changed his name to “C.J. Bruton” in order to run with the Aussies…  Who gave Michael Phelps his Hip-Hop gear starter kit before he visited Team USA’s locker room?  You gotta rock the FITTED hat, kid, not the adjustable!…  Jason Kidd remains a perfect 100% from the field (4-4).  Now who can’t shoot?…

Line Of The Night:

Kobe Bryant — 31 points, 7 boards, 6 assists, 3 steals, 2 blocks

Sick, sick, sick. The most-likely MVP did it all, as the Lakers pulled out the brooms on the Nuggets. A lot of focus was placed on the mess that is the Denver Nuggets, but is it possible the Lakers are simply really, really good?

Either way, put a fork in the Nuggets. Did this series show their true spirit? Or was it an aberration? A.I. seemed sour and cranky for the whole series, while Melo was almost the complete opposite… seemingly too relaxed. The one positive for them may be J.R. Smith’s series. He seemed focused and stepped it up on the big stage. Can he transfer that to an 82-game season, though? We just hope he keeps launching from 28 feet!

Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 21 boards, 21 points, 3 blocks, 2 assists

It took them 5 games to the Lakers’ 4, but chronologically, this effort from Superman made the Magic the first team to advance to the second round, as they knocked off the Raptors. They can now sit back and watch the Pistons struggle to knock off the Sixers for at least 2 more games. As for the Raptors? Let the “Fire Sam Mitchell” chants rain down. This team “talented” their way into the Playoffs, never really figuring out their identity. With the roster pieces they have, and no clear problem to point the finger at, they should have been more competitive than they showed in this serie.

Johnson And Smith Of The Night:

Joe Johnson — 35 points, 6 assists, 1 board

Josh Smith — 28 points, 7 blocks, 6 boards, 2 steals, 2 assists

ALL of the 4th quarter points for the A-T-Liens? How do the supposedly defensive-minded Celtics give up 32 points in the 4th, and all of them by only 2 players? Seems like Doc gets some blame for this. He doubled Joe late, but it should have come earlier. And in a separate mistake, why was he not going offense/defense, consistently, at point guard? Sam mad a great offensive play when he was in there… then he got benched.

Josh Smith is about to superstar this league, by the way.

You Reach, I Teach Of The Night:

Whatever Joe Johnson did to Leon Powe last night… it is illegal in 17 states. Does he have a Rasheed Wallace mentality? Is he the type of guy that just does not want to be the superstar every night, and would rather fit in with the team?

The Mailroom Supervisor’s Honey Of The Night: 

Chris Webber — The MRSV says: “He looks nice.  Welcome to the team!”