L.O.N.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 27 points, 15 assists, 13 boards, 2 steals

This was the output we thought we were gonna get in Game 3.  Maybe it was “returning home” hangover or the Lakers’ focus, but Paul couldn’t put on his closer cape in that one, because the game was pretty much out of reach.  Game 4 was a different story.  Donning a GaGa-esque black bandage on his eye, the Hornets went back to a pick-and-roll emphasis, and we once again reveled in Heaven:  CP3 dancing and destroying whatever Lakers big man covered him following the pick-and-roll switch.  Oh so lovely.

Worst Of The Night:

Illadelph 76ers 86, Miami Heat 82 — Ya’ll let one get a way yesterday, Miami.  Not only was your season-long crunch time weakness once again exposed, but your 2nd round opponent, the Celtics, take care of business.  Ya’ll needed to keep the pressure on them, getting them back on the court ASAP.  Now you give the playoff team that probably values rest the most, a little more of that, as well as additional preparation time and maybe even enough time to get Shaq back in the picture.  Round 2 might be the virtual Eastern Conference Finals and maybe even the NBA Finals.  Ya’ll let one slip.

Worst Of The Night Part II:

The New York Knicks 1st Round performance.  We are not fully blaming them — the injuries were certainly out of there control — but overall, having the Knicks back in the Playoffs wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  They were swept, and even Melo’s inspired Game 2 performance was overshadowed by the team’s comedy of errors down the stretch.  The crowd was even underwhelming in Game 4.  Ya’ll gotta will them out of that shotting funk, Garden!  If you are looking for a silver lining, at least they were the first playoff team featured in Inside The NBA’s “Gone Fishin’” segment!

Hollywood Ending Of The Night:

Brandon Roy — 24 points, 5 assists, 4 boards

The scene was so beautiful.  Fans going crazy.  The former superstar turned soul-searching injured bench warmer all of a sudden once again finding his stride.  He did not find it during practice following a standard rehab schedule.  He did not find it a few games into his return, after shaking off the rust.  He found it while swirling in maelstrom of desperation.  Individual desperation and team desperation was in full effect.  In the weeks, even days, even hours, prior, it looked like Roy had lost his game.  Lost his aura.  Another name on the too long list of stars failed by their bodies.  Meanwhile his team, the bandwagon pick to pull off a first round upset, was about as close as you can get to falling behind 3-1 with a trip back to the other team’s gym on the horizon.  Then he found it.  He probably could not explain it if he tried, but there it was.  The superstar game was back, resulting in 18 4th quarter points, a frenzied crowd, a Portland win and a tied series.  This may have been a one night experience, but if you can close your eyes and let the credits roll, it is an unforgettable Playoff snapshot.

Jamal Crawford — A Love Affair Of The Night:

It was a cold Ann Arbor winter night.  Or maybe a Sunday afternoon.  Kevin Gaines, Josh Asselin and maybe even Peter Vignier had kept it close, but they needed a little help from this tall, hockey stick-thin kid with wide eyes and ever wider range.  This guy not only lit you up with this crossover and J, but with his teenage smile.  On a team overrun with talent mediocrity and coaching ineptitude, he stood out like the rose that grew from concrete.  His name?  Jamal Crawford.  He came from overcast, rainy Seattle to overcast, snowy Ann Arbor with only a headband and a dream. He left with at least the eternal love of one fan, incepting memories that cannot be erased.

That day (or was it night?), he hit a game-winner.  He probably crossed up some poor Big 10 defender en route.  He definitely celebrated euphorically as ran to the opposite end of the court, hands in the air.  Maybe he hit a few more game-winners.  Maybe it just seems like that, but if you were there that night (or was it day?), a love affair was born.

He was gone too soon for us, probably too late for him.  The students that showed him love represented a university that was sinking into a pit of basketball rubble that would take years to excavate.  But if you were there, you did not forget.  You carried him with you.  The masses may have viewed him as a mere distraction to the 11-man and 6-man teams deemed more important on campus, but sitting right there in the 5th row, only feet away from the magic he created, you knew the truth.  From thousands of miles away, even when it appeared on the surface that maybe he had become lost in the abyss of lottery-bound NBA basketball, you knew the spark could not be completely extinguished.

That’s why we scream out J-Creezy, randomly, for no apparent reason.  That’s why after hitting a Playoff game-winner Friday night, and leading the Hawks in scoring for another Playoff win Sunday shouts of “CRIZZLES!” rang throughout the L.O.N. offices.  That’s why you can’t judge basketball by a boxscore alone, and why no two fans have quite the same opinion of any given player.  Basketball is an art.  A lot of guys have scored 25 this season.  Several have hit game-winners.  But none did it quite the same way J-Creezy did.

Explain It All Away Of The Night AKA (Valid?) Excuses Spurs Makes Of The Night:

Game 1 — One excuse, and one excuse only:   Manu was hurt.  Bottomline.

Game 3 — A Zach Randolph 3?  Darrell Who?  Marc Gasol shooting from where?  The Spurs missed a quadrillion open shots, were uncharacteristically careless with the ball (um, that means you, Tony Parker), failed to even get a potential game-tying shot off on the final possession, and generally played with their head in a fog all night.  All that said, the Grizz barely pulled it off.  We got this.

Sounds reasonable.  It has been one bad bounce after another for them, but at some point, the other team gets credit.  Game 4 will go a long way to show us which way the scale will tip.

Fab 5ism Of The Night:

Chris Webber speaking on Phil Jackson’s post-game comments:  “When I think of punk, I think of tall people letting little people do stuff to ‘em”

Real.  Talk.  The Lakers generally have a height advantage at every position against the Hornets.  It is pretty sick and very frustrating.  It almost seems unfair, but then they manage to lose the game.  Height ain’t heart, we guess.

Did the League rig the Pacers into the Playoffs to add a little hot sauce in the form of drama, to the first round?  Good lord they tried to give away that victory too… Usually championship teams don’t really have holes in their starting lineups.  The prosecution presents to you Exhibit A:  Keith Bogans… Has Ariza’s 3-point game regressed?… Same ol’ Nuggets… But, J.R. — we feel ya.  THAT WAS A FOUL!!!… Exhibit B:  Zydrunas Ilgauskas?… For the positive spin read above, but on the reals, that was a Dallas choke.  Or should we say, another Dallas choke.  We praised Dirk just a few days ago, but c’mon man.  Get it done… We love that each member of the C’s Big 4 lead the team in scoring in one of their games against the Knicks… Exhibit C:  Mike Bibby?… Gilbert tried to get on his Brandon Roy grind, but Stan Van ruined the final scene.  Give Gil the ball for the tie!… Emeka Okafor has not quite mastered that “Throw The Ball As Hard As I Can Against The Backboard” shot… We can see Hornets fans pulling out their Willie Green (missed a key free throw and decided to go for the score instead of running clock, in the crunch time) and Marco Belinelli (really, stop shooting) Voodoo dolls now… That Eastern Conference #1 seed is looking more advantageous by the day.  Is anybody threatened by either the Hawks or the Magic?…

CRIZZLES!!!!!

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Kevin Love — 31 points, 31 boards, 5 assists, 1 block

Who cares?  What about the Heat?  Sorry, that’s what goes down with the T-Wolves and the Knicks.  It might be fun, but it ain’t important.

Michael And Scottie Volume II Of The Night:

Get your shots in now.   This is Michael and Scottie Volume II.  Who cares what Bosh does?  He’ll either buy himself a set of goggles and Horace Grant it, die his hair and Rodman it, or Charles Oakley it and get traded away.  Doesn’t matter.  These cats are 9 games in.  The Breakfast Club has not been established.  Get your shots on now, Yahoo dude.  Get your shots in now, Twitter.  Because give it 20?  30?  hell, maybe 120?  And IT’S OVER.  Word to Kenny and Vince.  GET.  YOUR.  SHOTS.  IN.  NOW.  ‘Cause it’s easy now… but then you’ll need to hide your kids, hide your wife.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Blake Griffin — 18 points, 18 boards, 4 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Loss.  We are not sure if he is a culture changer… those are hard to come by, and the Clippers culture is a hard one to right.

Cancer Of The Night:

Charlie Villanueva — 30 points, 1 board, 1 assist, 1 steal

Love ya like a play cousin, Charlie, but tweet-snitching ain’t cool.  We respect your plight, but KG won.  He doesn’t make it personal, but you did, and that explains everything.  Keep it moving, and keep balling on the Clippers.  Call us when your GM gets a clue and you can beat teams that AREN’T the worst franchises in sports.

Regrets Of The Night:

Vince Carter — 10 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals

Orlando lost to Toronto at home.  Ya’ll are telling us it is not a plausible scenario that Vince feels bad about the whole Toronto thing, and he didn’t throw this game?    We are whispering so Dean can’t hear us, but you know it’s in play.

Maybe You Are Feeling Yourself… Just A Little Too Much:

Russell Westbrook — 36 points, 7 assists, 7 boards, 3 steals, 2 blocks

Yes, you ended it.  Game-closer, cuffed the lay-up, even.  But look to your left.  THAT’s that dude.  His name is Kevin.  He’s too respectful to take your shine, but it’s his team.  Calm down.  Let the game come to you.  You don’t want to Kobe/Shaq this thing, do you?

Tyrone Nesby, Keon Clark, Kevin Gaines and Brandon Smith.  And we’re out.

Drops mic…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Thanks to the readers that contributed.  Looks like the job crunch has finally led to attrition at the L.O.N. offices as only the Mailroom Supervisor, Legal Counsel and Potato Peeler managed to contribute.  That’s alright, because as Professor Phipps (okay, really Frederick Douglass) once said, “Without struggle, there is no progress.”  Or was that, “Pepper-mint,  Mr. Williams?”.  Whatever.

1)  What is the L.O.N. Pre-Season Top 10 League Pass Ranking?

#1 — Miami Heat.

#2 — Miami Heat.

#3 — Miami Heat.

Forget all that other off-season razzmatazz, we want to see them ball.  Will they run off an 81-1 season, or struggle to make it all work and lose the division to Orlando?  Or even third in the division behind the A-T-Liens as well?  People have not really been talking about the toughness of this division.  However it goes down, we are ready to see it.  And we think LeBron is going to be in 1000% beast mode all year so it’s going to be something to see.

#4 — OKC Thunder –  Kevin.  Durant.  We aren’t even all that high on Westbrook, but KD gets them must-watch status.

#5 — Clip Joint –  BLAKE GRIFFIN.  Year after year, we fall for the trick intrigue of the Clippers… but reports of Griffin in training camp have us falling right back in line.

#6 — Boston — Come on.  The Shaqtue?  We fell in love all over again with the Ceatles in last year’s Playoffs and we want more.  Shaq, Shrek and Donkey will make things interesting enough in the regular season, but with this team, it’s about May and June.  And you hear it every year about various players, but if Kevin Garnett really “has his spring back”…

#7 — San Antonio Spurs –  You know what it is.  Bias.  We ain’t trying to lie.  Hide your wife, hide your kids.

#8 — New York Knicks –  It’s time to see basketball that matters again in the Garden.  We are not even sure that will happen, but if it blows up, the train wreck might be just as entertaining.  And we have a soft spot for Ray Felton.  And the Legend Of Timofey Mozgov.  And Anthony Randolph.

#9 — Milwaukee Bucks — Can they keep it going from last year?  Will Drew Gooden and Corey Maggette drive Scott Skiles absolutely insane?  Mostly, we have not yet gotten our fill of Brandon Jennings, and there’s something about how well Maggette gets to the line and converts that we love to appreciate.

#10 — Houston — The collegiate-like chemistry of this team always makes it fun, and we want to see if this Yao 24-minutes-per-game limit is going to work.  We understand the minute limit, but the whole attitude and outlook towards him seems a bit on the fragilly side.  At some point you have to throw dude to the wolves.  Hopefully it works out like Big Z, who had similar surgery years ago and hasn’t had problems since.

Last of all, we must pay respects to two teams that are usually a staple in this list — the Don Nelson-led Warriors and the Melo/J.R.Smith Nuggets.  Nellie left us for Maui, and there’s just a pall over the whole situation in Denver that sucks out all of the fun.  Let’s throw on that T.R.O.Y. vinyl, replay this dunk over-and-over, and shed a couple tears.

2)  How sick are you of the Lakers?

Sicker than the sickest.  As sick as sick can get.  Sicker than than a Columbus Small Pox blanket.  Sicker than the mannequin in Ferris Bueller’s bed.  We do have to say, though, they keep adding secondary players that we love.  First it was the Official Player Of L.O.N. — Lamar Odom.  Then it was Ron Artest, and now it’s Matt Barnes and Steve Blake — the NBA incarnation of the L.O.N. C.E.O. if he had devoted his life to ball and grown 3 more inches.

3)  Are the Bulls going to be awesome or just great?  Is Carlos Boozer to the Bulls the most underrated off-season move?

Second things first… how about the most overrated?  Iditarod has never done it for us.  He looks like Mr. Clean, but plays like Mr. Soft, taking a bunch of fade-away 10-12 footers.  Then he comes in with a shady pinkie injury that he supposedly hurt while running to answer his door and tripping over a bag… hmmm.  Overall, we have mixed emotions.  Aside from the Booze Cruise, there is Derrick Rose, who is that dude and might be ready to make a leap into the upper echelon (his ad count certainly has), and new coach Tom Thibodeaux who has promise as a great defensive mind, but seems like he’ll succeed more in his second go ’round as head coach, ala Bill Belichick, Scott Skiles, etc..  Call us skeptics.

4)  If Dwyane Wade were a creature at the Aquarium of the Pacific, which would he be?
Wow.  We cannot explain it, but the biggest eel you can find is all that comes to mind.

5)  What do you think of the new technical foul policy?

Wake us in December.  If it’s still being enforced similarly, then we will get involved.  All we know is that Ben Franklin would hope that BOTH sides would act a little more rationally, and that harsher and harsher penalties do not always do much good.

 

6)  With Rasheed Wallace now retired, who will take his place as the most “T’d up” player in the league?

A lot of the big guns are out to start the season, too, including Kenyon Martin and Kendrick Perkins.  We were surprised to see Dwight Howard came in 2nd place last year behind ‘Sheed.  We are going to go with Kobe, though.  In the first month, alone, while they are still being extra strict, all his looks and air punches are going to get him ahead of the game in the race for ‘Sheed’s belt.

7)  How effective can John Wall be as a rookie PG for the Wizards with Arenas still in the picture and an otherwise weak supporting cast?

BLAKE GRIFFIN.  Sorry, we are little obsessed… We think Wall will be very effective.  The ball is going to be in his hands and we feel like Arenas might have a so-so, disinterested season in which he misses some games here and there, and sort of takes a backseat to Wall on the court.  Wall’s raw athleticism will get him by until he figures out the nuances of the L.

Who will win Rookie Of The Year?

It’s between these two guys, and our vote is Griffin.  And yeah, we also said that last year.

The best rookie on a contender?

There won’t be one?  At least not a big name, unless you are a Gordon Hayward believer, and we are not yet.  The answer to this is probably an obscure undrafted free agent, or possibly, a rookie on a team that no one is expecting to compete.

The most invisible rookie?

The rest of them?  With a couple injuries to guys taken in the Lottery and some underwhelming pre-season play, there is not a lot to get excited about with this rookie class.

8)  Is Kevin Durant the odds-on favorite for MVP?

For the media masses?  Yeah.  For us?  LeBron.  AGAIN.  LeBron’s gonna have an undeniable year on the team with the #1 record.

9)  Which Western Conference team has the best chance to challenge the Lakers this year?

That might be the hardest question to answer so far.  The popular pick is the Thunder, but we think a bit of a backslide is just as likely, if not more likely, than a 2 seed in the West.  Denver is a mess, but they are crazy enough where, if they keep Melo, they might be winning mess.  The Mavs will be their usual “fold like a chair” in the Playoffs selves.  That points to the Spurs or the Jazz (who barely missed the League Pass Top 10… we want to see the new Deron Williams/Al Jefferson combo).  We will resist the homer pick and say Jazz.  Maybe with Boozer leaving, Deron will figure out it’s really his team now and it’s okay for him to try to take over in the clutch.

10)  10 seconds left, Heat down by one, who gets the ball?

We don’t know, but neither will the Heat’s opponents, and that’s the point.  They are going to be so ridiculous on offense with so many options, and with LeBron as playmaker they will simply take whatever the defense gives them.

11)  Do the Celtics’ Big 3 have enough left in the tank for one more run at it with the added depth and size?

For Celtics fans (and Laker haters), it’s sickening to think about what might have been last year with a healthy Perk in Game 7… or even either one of the O’Neal brothers (Shaq and Jermaine).  They definitely have what it takes for another run and we think they’ll have a date in South Beach when the Eastern Conference Finals commence.
 

12)  Is Josh McRoberts this year’s biggest sleeper fantasy starter?

Dook does not exist.  Now THAT is a real fantasy.

13)  Is it true that Stan Van Gundy and Scott Skiles share co-writing credits on Kanye’s “Runaway”?

It definitely sounds like the result of every nitpicking basketball coach pouring out his soul.  “I’m so gifted at finding, what I don’t like the most…”

14)  Which of ESPN/Marvel’s comic collabos is the best representation of the team pictured?

We like the Jordan/Bobcats cover, but the Cleveland joint is probably the most appropriate.  We can see Cleveland fans rocking Cee-Lo’s “Eff You” while staring at that image.  Portland’s is wishful thinking for real… they really do need those cyborg parts


15)  Why not the Pistons image?  Should/can Dumars recreate the Bad Boys?

Good luck with that…  The Pistons still have not won a title since Mehmet Okur left, so maybe that is whom needs to be cloned.

16)  Is Tim Gunn concerned about the new Adidas uniforms?

Full on, finger to glasses, hand on hip, head tilted, forehead furrowed concern.  We will not give a final ruling until we see more games, but so far we are not liking the look of it.  From the brief interview shots we have seen, they look like cheap practice jerseys… but maybe those were practice interviews!

17)  What’s good with uniform changes this year?

As insinuated above, all 30 teams are getting new technologically advance jerseys, courtesy of adidas.  The uniforms are said to be 30 percent lighter, dry twice as fast, and are 60% made from recycled materials.  So even if your team did not change their design, you will notice their unis look slightly different.  Our favorite design changes this year are the new (old) Golden State and Utah unis.  Both brought back elements of old school logo favorites.  We have hated the orange element to the Warriors’ unis ever since it was introduced an would have been happy enough with it’s removal alone.  The city/bridge logo is just icing on the cake.  No other team made any drastic changes, with the Clip Joint, T-Wolves, Cavs and Mavs all making minor tweaks.

18)  Over the past several seasons Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington and DeShawn Stevenson, among others, have raised training camp eyebrows with new tattoos… who is drawing attention this year?

It’s an usual suspect — Chris “Birdman” Andersen.  And there is less competiton than a Fabolous mixtape.  Free.  Bird.

Others:  Paul Pierce inks forearm with “The Truth”

19)  Any hair changes?  Other physical appearance updates?

The only thing we have for you is that Rajon Rondo is headband-less, at least in the pre-season.  A shocking development.  Oh, and sorry to bring him up again, but Blake Griffin has ‘froed it out, a taste.

20)  Which players are the most physically ready for the season?

You know what it is, you know how it is… Always Dwight Howard.  Always Ray Allen.  And while we are talking Dwight Howard…

21)  Hey, Ms. Mailroom Supervisor, which of your H.O.N.nies (Heartthrobs Of The Night), are you most looking forward to seeing this year?

LeBron for sure - new city new vibe… Gilbert Arenas is always a H.O.N. but his questionable behavior has put him on my bad side… Lamar Odom is gaining popularity because of Kardashian love, but I still wouldn’t name a child after him… I need to watch some of the season to get some new blood on this list.

22) Dwight Howard and Hakeem video… comment.

A lot of guys can do a lot of things in the gym, guarded by ghosts and cheered on by their entourages.  The Dream was executing the moves smoother than Howard and is 4X years old and averaged 7.1 ppg 10 years ago.  Howard can still take things to another level on the skills side of things, but that’s easier said than done.  Unless there was a brain transplant on the night of Day 3 of those training sessions, we are not buying in.

23)  So who will win the title?

Heat in 6.  Over the Lakers.

FREE MANNY HARRIS!!!… If anybody can hook us up with a recording for Foolish doing “Belle Isle Man” on the WJLB morning show, we will be forever in your debt… The Kings’ DeMarcus Cousins, or the Spurs training camp participant, Marcus Cousin?… So if they are both starting, that definitively means Tayshaun Prince and Austin Daye are not the same person?… With Allen Iverson signing in Turkey, have we seen his last NBA hurrah?  Let’s hope not.  We need a little more, A.I….

As seen on SLAMOnline:

We wish you a very L.O.N.nie New Year.  The NBA came hard on the first day of the ‘09 schedule.  David Stern’s New Year’s resolution must have been to provide the fan base with more buzzer-beaters.  The best one, by far, was the Baltimore/D.C. shootout between Kevin Durant and Melo.  Durant drained a bomb to put OKC on top, but left far too much time for Melo.  Desmond Mason gave him far too much room in the corner… and it was a wrap.

Line Of The Night:

Rodney Stuckey — 38 points, 7 assists, 4 boards, 2 steals

Yo, Sac-town, I’m 50 Cent.  What?  5 bullets.  38 points.  Millions of records sold.  Ball through the hoop, lead in mouth.  Yo, I’m 50 Cent.  Take a booze cruise and get the eff outta here.

Oscar Robertson Of The Night:

LeBron James — 16 points, 11 assists, 10 boards, 3 blocks, 2 steals

The Cavs remained undefeated at home, easily taking down the Bulls Friday night.  They did not miss a beat, despite Big Z missing the game due to an ankle injury.  He’s set to be out for about a month, but for at least one night, Sideshow Varejao showed he is capable of starting.  He dropped a career-high 26 on the somnambulant Bulls.  Nonetheless, the absence of Ilgauskas will take a little of the shimmer and shine off of next Friday’s C.C.’s on C’s battle for Eastern Conference supremacy, and may even cost the C.C.’s home court in the presumed Eastern Conference Finals.  The King probably would tell you differently, though.  He’s on his job.

Near Oscar Robertson Of The Night:

Joe Johnson — 13 points, 9 boards, 9 assists, 1 steal

Too $hort would say, “Get in where you fit in, fool.”  TV talking heads say it incessantly, but in a different (boring) way.  “What this guy has got to do is all the ‘other things’ when his shot is not falling.”  Well, all they have to do is verify it, when Johnson is the player with the crooked J.  Every time this dude is misfiring, it seems like he comes up with a triple-double-type effort — whatever it takes to win… or in Friday night’s case, almost win.  You see, he got trumped by a guy that COULD get his shot to fall.  Vinsanity.  Clutch Vinsanity.  Clutch Vinsanity Glare.  Nets win in OT.

Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 23 points, 19 points, 4 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Camby had over half the Clippers’ rebounds against the Suns.  That’s because the rest of the starting lineup was Al Thornton, Brian Skinner, Eric Gordon and Jason Hart.  If your team is fighting for Playoff position, you don’t want them playing a healthy Clippers squad in the last month of the season.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Troy Murphy — 18 boards, 15 points, 5 assists, 3 steals

Take this line with a grain of salt, considering Murphy achieved it after taking a grain of performance enhancing D’Antonicillin.  Jarrett Jack was the real star of the show, though, dropping 29 points, including the buzzer-beater for — SWOP! –the win.  How does T.J. Ford always find himself in this situation?  He’s a magnet for starting caliber backup point guards.  First Mo, then Calderon, now Jack.  We just want to see him lead a D’Antoni attack.  That’s eye-pleasing.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Pop champagne and ring in a West Coast New Year’s.  Watch football all day New Year’s Day, drinking beer, while eating chips and vegetables with multiple dips, and topping it all off with chocolate cupcakes.  The L.O.N. New Year’s itinerary?  Almost.  The last couple days in review for the Blazers, Heat, Bobcats and Rockets?  Looks like it.  Come on.  Let’s contract the Contraction Club for the New Year.

Portland Trailblazers — 77 points vs. New Orleans

We understand Brandon Roy is still out with a hamstring injury… but a home loss like this?  And Tyson Chandler didn’t even play in the fourth after scuffling with the Przzzz.

Miami Heat — 76 points vs. Orlando Magic

This looked like a classic game hinging on a legendary D-Wade performance.  Well, hinge it did, but more like un-hinge.  The dark horse MVP candidate had 33 points, but exactly 0 of those came after the 5 minute mark in the third.  Da Drought Part 7, coupled with shooting gems from Mario Chalmers 1-11 and Hedo Turkoglu 1-14 made this an I Am Not Legend scenario.

Charlotte Bobcats — 75 points vs. Milwaukee

With the bottom half of the East dropping fast, and the Bucks approaching .500, it’s looking like they can start making spring plans to be on the court.  And does anyone else see an Orlando playoff collapse?  Can the Bucks upset the Magic in a 3-6 matchup?

Houston Rockets — 73 points vs. the T-Dot

The sight of Il Mago abusing Yao on the perimeter took all the fight out of the Rockets.  It was like magic.

Russell Westbrook or Avon Barksdale?… ‘Sheed reports that Aaron “Afflac” Afflalo “must have a tape worm”… After a clutch shot near the end of last night’s win, we were blessed with the A.I. skip!  Love it.  Detroiters probably due to, now that they have 5 straight wins… the 2008 Rap Up is here.  But can we get a C’s mention?  The Jayhawks?  Something?… In case you were wondering what Fred Jones has been doing up until the point he returned to the L with the Clip Joint, it involved concocting intricate facial hair looks…

Line Of The Night:

Danny Granger — 42 points, 7 boards, 6 assists

Career-high points… all-around game… young, blossoming star… still a loss.  Now 7-15.  Our answer?  Cut Josh McRoberts.

Worst Of The Night:

The Minnesota Timberwolves.  An utter and complete disgrace.  Never before has it been clearer than seeing them trudge through a game last night against perhaps the model franchise in the League, San Antonio.  Ya’ll should boycott that “product” up there, Minnesotans.

Near Larry Bird Of The Night:

McGradles — 24 points, 10 boards, 9 assists, 1 steal

Gotta love looking at the schedule and seeing the defenseless Warriors for the night of your return from an injury.  That’s a soft landing.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Philly Freezer — 72 points vs. Cleveland

The Sixers took on the nickname of hometown MC, Freeway, last night, shooting an ice cold 43% from the field.  This type of play has become the norm for Cavs opponents, though, during their dominant 11 game winning streak.  And speaking of Freeway… he has been coming hard so far during his self-proclaimed “Month Of Madness“.

Miami Cold — 73 points vs. Atlanta

This was a horrid game.  Neither team shooting over 38%?  Gross.

Dirty Jerse — 79 points vs. T-Dot-O

The breakout game of the Jay Triano Era?  Or simply a fluky, frigid night that saw Vince Carter shoot 0-13 from the field?  Irregardless, can the fantasy heads out there get an answer on the Moon/BargnaniEntreatment?

Debut Of The Night:

Jason Richardson — 21 points, 3 boards, 3 assists, 1 blocks

Well, for one night, it all made sense, just like Lonnie told us it would.  J-Rich came, he scored, Suns won.  But lots of questions remain for a still morphing Phoenix squad.

Debacle Of The Night:

The L.O.N. offices have endured most of the Clippers train wreck of a season.  Hey, we get limited number of HD games and we love Ralph Lawler.  What can we say?  Guess what night the DVR broke, though?  Yeah, the night they win a double-OT thriller in Portland — another team we love to watch.  Awesome.

The Pistons haven’t won a title since Mehmet Okur left.  Four seasons from now, will we be saying, “New Orleans hasn’t contended since Jannero Pargo left”?…  Shocking news of the night:  Corey Maggette remains out indefinitely with a hamstring injury… Why is J-Crizzles struggling in seemingly his dream offense?…  The Bobcats sign Juwan Howard.  The Fab Five lives…