L.O.N.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 36 points, 8 boards, 6 assists, 2 steals

The MVP voting has already concluded, but Rose has only cemented the conventional wisdom thus far in the pre-season.  He is the Chicago offense.  Iditarod helped him out a little this game, but it was Rose driving, hitting the J, whatever the Bulls needed offensively, all game.  Impressive.

Worst Of The Night:

Somebody get that cameraman in Chicago that sprained Darren Collison’s ankle a copy of Jay-Z’s Blueprint 3.  Didn’t anybody tell him we off Timbos?  You have gotta be kidding us that a construction boot might have cost the Pacers a shot at a huge Playoff upset.  And why do all cameraman controversies have to involve the Bulls?

Worst Of The Night Part II:

Tyler Hansbrough — 6 points on 2-12 shooting

After a key performance in Game 1, Psycho T fell back to Earth, missing several open jumpers.  He was active as usual, impacting the game in the frantic way only he can, but the Pacers desperately needed a second scorer with Collison injured, and if one had materialized, we might be talking about a 1-1 series.  Game 3 will go a long way in establishing where Hansbrough fits in the playoff food chain.  Also, we blame him and his nickname for subliminally influencing Chris Webber to say “psyche” after one player’s fake.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Illadelph 76ers — 73 points vs. Miami

Jumpshot, jumpshot, jumpshot, clang, clang, clang.  Jumpshot, jumpshot, jumpshot, clang, clang, clang.  That was the Philly offense, especially in the first half.  Thaddeus Young and Evan Turner got a little loose off the bench, but that was about it.  Iguodala… what’s up, mane?  Why you gotta be so an-ti?

Plays Of The Night:

D-Wade putting young Evan Turner on skates with the crossover got the most hype, but give us that LeBron pass to Chris Bosh at the beginning of the 2nd quarter — a no look, bullet chest pass right on target.  So nasty.

Somebody owes Dick Stockton BIG, apparently.  That dude is officially senile, and still rocking the mic… Rick Adelman out as head coach of Rockets… Dang, Mike Miller.  Two thumb braces cannot be a good look for a shooter… T.J. Ford, A Love Story…  There is not much worse than the Iditarod side-to-side head roll celebration…  Where’s Baby?  Where’s  Weezy?  Ross?  Anybody other than Rony Seikaly?  Can someone please fill the gaping “NBA celebrities in the crowd coverage” hole?… Josh McRoberts needs to relax on all that goofy juice…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night AKA Near Larry Bird Of The Night AKA That Classic Ish Of The Night:

Rajon Rondo — 28 points, 11 assists, 8 boards, 2 steals

If this series is on some classic, Black-Moon-Who-Got-Da-Props/Wu-C.R.E.A.M./Gang Starr-Premo-Take-It-Personal type ish, then Rondo is Biggie, coming out of that environment to take the crown.  But did Biggie ever roller skate?  In suspenders?

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Houston Rockets — 77 points vs. Portland

Shane Battier — 4 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

One of the various Playoff color men quoted Battier as saying, “If I don’t score, we won’t win”.  Whoomp.  There it is.  Or even whoot.

Illadelph Sixers — 78 points vs. Orlando

Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 24 points, 24 boards, 2 blocks, 1 assist, 1 steal

In a pivotal Game 5, Howard and the Magic contract the Sixers and seem to take control of the series… except, Howard will most likely be suspended for that lilac get-up (not the elbow to Samuel Dalembert’s head, as widely reported) and their second-best player in the series — Courtney Lee — could miss Game 6 with his own head ailment.  7 For All Mankind?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Kendrick Perkins — 19 boards, 16 points, 7 blocks, 2 assists, 1 steal

Wow.  Kendrick creeping on a triple-double come up.  We pray for a K.G. miracle return, because, with him, the Ceatles starting lineup is so ridiculously hard body.  Sorry, Big Baby, once you and your BFF Tyrus Thomas have completed your “who can miss the most jumpshots” contest, get back to us.

I Can’t Feel My Face Of The Night:

After Brad Meezy took that grill shot, Weezy and Juelz’s managers quickly contacted John Paxson to see if they could arrange a collabo.  But seriously, if he felt as messed up as he looked, shouldn’t they have let someone else shoot free throws?  If you lose the game, Vinny, then it does not matter if Miller is available for a 2nd OT.  Get somebody in there that can see straight.

Hey, Vinny, one other thing while we have you — maybe you should double Paul Pierce?  Or at least have Salmons stand directly to his right so he cannot shoot THE SAME SHOT 18,922 times in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Frustration… Pop is probably regretting not unleashing George Hill a little earlier in this series.  He did not suffer from whatever ailed Roger Mason and Matt Bonner… Also, does R.C. Buford throw up in his mouth every time he sees a Luis Scola fist pump?… It is extremely hard for us to say this, but.  Um.  Well.  Watch… out… for… the.. [gulp]… Mavs?!?!?!?… But, FREE GERALD GREEN!!!!

Line Of The Night:

Danny Granger — 42 points, 7 boards, 6 assists

Career-high points… all-around game… young, blossoming star… still a loss.  Now 7-15.  Our answer?  Cut Josh McRoberts.

Worst Of The Night:

The Minnesota Timberwolves.  An utter and complete disgrace.  Never before has it been clearer than seeing them trudge through a game last night against perhaps the model franchise in the League, San Antonio.  Ya’ll should boycott that “product” up there, Minnesotans.

Near Larry Bird Of The Night:

McGradles — 24 points, 10 boards, 9 assists, 1 steal

Gotta love looking at the schedule and seeing the defenseless Warriors for the night of your return from an injury.  That’s a soft landing.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Philly Freezer — 72 points vs. Cleveland

The Sixers took on the nickname of hometown MC, Freeway, last night, shooting an ice cold 43% from the field.  This type of play has become the norm for Cavs opponents, though, during their dominant 11 game winning streak.  And speaking of Freeway… he has been coming hard so far during his self-proclaimed “Month Of Madness“.

Miami Cold — 73 points vs. Atlanta

This was a horrid game.  Neither team shooting over 38%?  Gross.

Dirty Jerse — 79 points vs. T-Dot-O

The breakout game of the Jay Triano Era?  Or simply a fluky, frigid night that saw Vince Carter shoot 0-13 from the field?  Irregardless, can the fantasy heads out there get an answer on the Moon/BargnaniEntreatment?

Debut Of The Night:

Jason Richardson — 21 points, 3 boards, 3 assists, 1 blocks

Well, for one night, it all made sense, just like Lonnie told us it would.  J-Rich came, he scored, Suns won.  But lots of questions remain for a still morphing Phoenix squad.

Debacle Of The Night:

The L.O.N. offices have endured most of the Clippers train wreck of a season.  Hey, we get limited number of HD games and we love Ralph Lawler.  What can we say?  Guess what night the DVR broke, though?  Yeah, the night they win a double-OT thriller in Portland — another team we love to watch.  Awesome.

The Pistons haven’t won a title since Mehmet Okur left.  Four seasons from now, will we be saying, “New Orleans hasn’t contended since Jannero Pargo left”?…  Shocking news of the night:  Corey Maggette remains out indefinitely with a hamstring injury… Why is J-Crizzles struggling in seemingly his dream offense?…  The Bobcats sign Juwan Howard.  The Fab Five lives…