L.O.N.

Line Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 48 points on 12-15 shooting and 24-24 from the free throw line, 6 boards, 4 assists, 4 blocks

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again.  Big.  Dirk.  Like.  Whut.  If Scott Brooks had walked into his living room, flicked on his PS3, set the level to All-World-Pro-Star and played the Mavs, the computer might have, at it’s ceiling, produced a game like this.  Automatic.  Robotic.  And he even went a stretch in the 4th, during the Jose Juan Barea Show, when he didn’t really shoot much!  He didn’t even cap out!  This was an all-time great playoff performance.  Become legendary.

Worst Of The Night AKA Not So Bad Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 20 points on 3-15 shooting, 3 assists, 3 boards, 1 steal

People were all over him again last night for his shooting percentage, but he obeyed our rule — he shot less than Kevin Durant, whose ridiculous 40 point night was overshadowed by Dirk’s redirkulous night.  We are not even going to get on Westbrook too hard.  He stayed aggressive.  He lived in the lane (only 4 shots outside the paint) and foul line (14-18 there), and he shot no 3’s!  Game 2 will be his true test.  Does he go to that Kobe, hero style, our does he stick with this style game, knowing he is probably not going to miss all those shots again?  Oh, but still expect a million street MC’s to start giving us “I shoot more than Westbrook” lines.

For Threeeeeeeeee Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 3 points, 3 boards, 3 steals, 3 turnovers, 3 fouls, 3 3-point attempts

All three everything?  Is there a numerologist in the building?

Enough with the blue outs, when the other team WEARS THAT COLOR!  We kept thinking it was an OKC home game when looking at that crowd… OKC probably is not feeling all that bad about this one.  They had this one down to 6 points late despite Dirk’s once in a lifetime game, so if they tighten some stuff up, this will be a series… Kevin Durant looked like a creature from another world on the play where he grabbed the defensive rebound and took it coast-to-coast… Should James Harden start?  Thabo Sefolosha seems to be nothing more than a placeholder in this matchup, with no real wing player for him to lock down…  The Cavs win the #1 pick in the NBA Draft via the Clippers pick they acquired in the Baron Davis deal.  Yikes, that deal looks a whole lot worse now, but it’s typical Clip Joint ish… Nate Robinson, go to your room.  Word to Tony Kornheiser…

Last night the L.O.N. offices caught their first solid glimpses of the 2011 title parade.  There was lots of sun and boats.  Lots of flashes of white.  Those LA cats are not done yet, but we have seen a vision, and if they keep falling asleep at the wheel, Miami is taking the chip.  They looked really, really good.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 35 points, 7 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

It is absolutely wonderful watching LeBron play with this much help on this side.  It gives him the freedom to dip and dive into various roles on the court — scoring here, setting up there, oh, now he’s organizing the D.  The Heat are clicking on all cylinders.  Defense.  Offense.  Coaching.  Everyone on the team is involved.  Everyone has bought in.  It’s all there.  They continue to be the most impressive team this post-season, but the sleeping giant that is the Lakers, still lurks.

MVP Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 1 MVP award

Rose becomes the youngest player ever to win the award in a runaway vote.  Dwight Howard finished a distant 2nd.  We would get into why we disagree with the selection, but all attention today goes to Rose’s beautiful acceptance speech (skip to the 5 minute mark).  First of all, he was looking sharp in a navy blue ensemble.  Second of all, his heartfelt thanks to his Mom was a special, special thing.  Dude is amazing.  The way he put life into perspective is something we all could take to heart.  Despite too many Dook teammates, Rose has supporters for life in L.O.N.

A Good Talking To Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 24 points on 9 of 20 shooting (most attempts on the team), 6 assists, 3 steals, 2 boards

Russell, Russell, Russell.  Yes, we know you won, but that is beside the point.  Yes, we know you can get an open 17-footer every time.  But have you considered that they want you to shoot that shot?  Yes, we know you dribble the ball down the court most of the time.  But that does not mean you have to shoot most of the time.  Look around you.  Do you see that tall, lanky guy over there?  His name is Kevin Durant.  He is one of the top 3 - possibly the best - scorer in the game.  He is also a very polite young man, so we are forced to deliver this message.  Believe us, he is thinking it.  GIVE HIM THE BALL!  YOU SHOULD NOT BE CONSISTENTLY SHOOTING MORE THAN HIM!  IT WILL BE YOUR TEAM’S DOWNFALL!

Ok, that felt good.  We are not sure Scott Brooks has the necessary personality meshing skills to get this team over-the-top.  Maybe he needs to take it back summer basketball camp style, and put in a quota.  Remember the drill where your team had to pass at least 5 times or whatever, before shooting?  Well, for Westbrook, he is allowed to shoot as much as he wants, as long as it is one less shot than Durant.  Shoot 50 times, just make sure Durant shoots 51!

That Ain’t Gonna Work Of The Night:

Michael Conley — 24 points, 8 assists, 2 boards, 1 steal

Very nice output from Conley, but Memphis will not win that way.  Oklahoma City clogged up the paint very well last night, turning Memphis into a mostly jump-shooting team.  To his credit, Conley (as well as Sam Young and O.J. Mayo) stepped up admirably, hitting a lot of key shots.  These guys kept the Grizz in the game long after most teams would have packed it up and headed home for Game 3.  These guys have that dog in ‘em.  But Z-Bo has to, um, Z-bound from this lackluster effort and get back in that paint.  He settled for jumpers early and often.  You talk trash, you gotta back it up.

Mike Bibby having his giant cross tattoo removed?  We need the inside scoop.  Is he starting an acting career?  Is he replacing it with something bigger and better?  What’s the deal?…  Chris Paul courtside at the Heat game.  Let the rumors begin!  Oh, not about where he wants to play, but what was up with his eyes?  He had the hat pulled low, with a really strange look on his face… If you didn’t notice, Russell Westbrook drives is crazy.  Laughing after he blew that wide open dunk did not help things… We see you, Darrell Arthur.  Serge Ibaka left his table just in time though, to avoid his breakfast… Wow, so Kevin Garnett is the healthiest of the Celtics right now?…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Kevin Love — 31 points, 31 boards, 5 assists, 1 block

Who cares?  What about the Heat?  Sorry, that’s what goes down with the T-Wolves and the Knicks.  It might be fun, but it ain’t important.

Michael And Scottie Volume II Of The Night:

Get your shots in now.   This is Michael and Scottie Volume II.  Who cares what Bosh does?  He’ll either buy himself a set of goggles and Horace Grant it, die his hair and Rodman it, or Charles Oakley it and get traded away.  Doesn’t matter.  These cats are 9 games in.  The Breakfast Club has not been established.  Get your shots on now, Yahoo dude.  Get your shots in now, Twitter.  Because give it 20?  30?  hell, maybe 120?  And IT’S OVER.  Word to Kenny and Vince.  GET.  YOUR.  SHOTS.  IN.  NOW.  ‘Cause it’s easy now… but then you’ll need to hide your kids, hide your wife.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Blake Griffin — 18 points, 18 boards, 4 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Loss.  We are not sure if he is a culture changer… those are hard to come by, and the Clippers culture is a hard one to right.

Cancer Of The Night:

Charlie Villanueva — 30 points, 1 board, 1 assist, 1 steal

Love ya like a play cousin, Charlie, but tweet-snitching ain’t cool.  We respect your plight, but KG won.  He doesn’t make it personal, but you did, and that explains everything.  Keep it moving, and keep balling on the Clippers.  Call us when your GM gets a clue and you can beat teams that AREN’T the worst franchises in sports.

Regrets Of The Night:

Vince Carter — 10 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals

Orlando lost to Toronto at home.  Ya’ll are telling us it is not a plausible scenario that Vince feels bad about the whole Toronto thing, and he didn’t throw this game?    We are whispering so Dean can’t hear us, but you know it’s in play.

Maybe You Are Feeling Yourself… Just A Little Too Much:

Russell Westbrook — 36 points, 7 assists, 7 boards, 3 steals, 2 blocks

Yes, you ended it.  Game-closer, cuffed the lay-up, even.  But look to your left.  THAT’s that dude.  His name is Kevin.  He’s too respectful to take your shine, but it’s his team.  Calm down.  Let the game come to you.  You don’t want to Kobe/Shaq this thing, do you?

Tyrone Nesby, Keon Clark, Kevin Gaines and Brandon Smith.  And we’re out.

Drops mic…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Ray Allen — 35 points, 2 boards, 2 assists

The Ray Allen jump shot is still such a beautiful sight, event after all these years.  The Ceatles needed every last one of them against the Pacers, as this season’s giant killers almost struck again, before falling in OT.

Beast Of The Night:

Amare Stoudemire — 22 points, 20 boards, 2 assists

The Suns used this effort to tough out a 2 point win over the Jazz.  Isn’t there a whole lotta complaining and bickering in Phoenix for a team that really isn’t in that bad of shape?

Kevin Garnett — 20 boards, 17 points, 5 steals, 4 assists, 1 block

One other note on the Boston OT win.  Why was the Indiana offense run through Rasho Nesterovic during OT?  Give it to Granger, already.

Near Fat Lever Of The Night:

Vince Carter — 14 points, 11 boards, 8 assists, 2 steals

This versatile Vinsanity voyage vaulted the Nets to victory over the Sixers.  With a winning record about a fourth of the way into the season… dare we mention the “P” word for Dirty Jerse?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 19 boards, 7 blocks, 3 assists, 2 steals

How a coach on a bad team that is going nowhere can survive a completely uninspired blowout loss at home to the Clippers is beyond us, in this day and age of the light speed spinning coaching carousel.  But as of the writing of this, Randy Wittman remains the captain of this long past sunken ship.  (Update:  Wittman out, Kevin McHale takes over).  In related news, a bit of a terrible team round robin tourney took place, with the Clip Joint visiting Memphis Friday, followed by Minnesota on Saturday.  We needed a Memphis/Minnesota matchup to truly set things off, but with a little middle school geometry, we can crown Minnesota as the second worst team in the West.  Congratulations.

David Lee — 19 boards, 12 points, 3 assists

Must be the new hairdo.  We’ll call it the fratboy mohawk.  Lee and the Knicks mauled the Pistons on Sunday, right from jump street.  Blame Iverson or Coach Curry?  The coach does not look like a good fit, to us, so far.  And his abrasive (although often true) interview comments, may not work well, for long.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Charlotte Bobcats — 74 points vs. Cleveland

The Cavs’ absolutely smothering D was on display, highlighted by 10 blocks, including one of LeBron’s now patented from-behind-layup blocks on Raymond Felton.  Cleveland has now won 8 straight games, all by double digits.  They are “in their bag”, currently, as Freeway might tell you.

Rookie Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 30 points, 7 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals

Ok, dude is officially freed and can officially get it done on the NBA level, although he does still need to figure out how to reign it in a bit, out there.  While the Outlaws still lost to the Heat, it was only by 6, and almost has to count for something with a team this bad.  Maybe if Westbrook had lived up to his supposed defensive rep, and held D-Wade to less than 38, they might have actually pulled one out.

Interview Of The Night:

David Duchovny was interviewed at halftime of Sunday’s Knicks/Pistons game as part of a segment called “Gimme A Minute with Jill Martin”.  Pure comedy.  First, she messes up the air date when mentioning the season finale of his show, Californication.  No, wait, back up.  FIRST, there are the litany of “I bet he would like a minute with Jill Martin” jokes, given his sex addict status.  But we’ll let you fill in your own punchline with that situation.  Second, she asks if the show might move to a New York location, to which he politely replies, “It’s hard to shoot a show called Californication in New York.”  Awesome.  She doesn’t even bat an eye, though, before mentioning he used to be a “balla”… sounding completely ridiculous.  And just to add to the “what in the hell is going here?” factor, a wheelchair basketball game is going on in the background!  Amazing.

Bobby Brown with the rare 360 wrong-hand lay-up.  Interesting…